Don't let me down

fifteen

Brook

I have to say that today i slept very good with Billie.

Well I always sleep well when I'm sleeping with Billie but tonight felt kinda different.

I opened my eyes slowly and saw Billie awake on her phone beside me.

"Good morning Brook, ah you're finally awake" Billie said as she placed her phone down on the bed looking down at me.

"Morning Bil" i said in my sleepy voice looking up at her.

Then i remembered what had happened yesterday my face expression changed immediately.

I'm sure Billie noticed my mood changing as she hugged me tighly.

"Don't think about yesterday okay? Do you want to come with me and Finneas to record a new song? To take your mind off yesterday" she said hoping i would say yes. And i think she's right. I need to get my mind off yesterday.

"Yea of course Billie I'll come, you're right and i really wanna hear you sing" i said and looked up at her to she her smiling at me.

"Glad to hear that, let's go eat and get ready" she said happily and i nodded.

The word eating sank into my ears, this is true fear for me. Eating.

For some people who are saying that eating can't be hard, yea it can really be so so hard.

And now with Billie I can't even avoid eating. Agh.

"I know you can do it, trust me" Billie said stopping my thoughts as she grabbed my shoulders and shaked me.

I didn't say anything, I don't even think i can do it.

"For me, for all of us" Billie said softly looking into my eyes.

I hesitated for a little but still i nodded breaking the eye contact we just had.

We got up from my bed and Billie went to her room to change as i changed clothes too.

As i got dressed i made my way down to the kitchen to find breakfast already on the table.

Mom was doing a live right now on Instagram and she was cooking something.

While i saw dad out of the window on the back yard playing with Pepper.

I decided not to disturb mom right now cause she was busy so i just sat on the table waiting for Billie to come.

After some minutes i heard Billie coming to the kitchen.

Then i saw here coming over and sitting across me. She was mom and she did the same as i did.

She started eating hungrily as i was just staring down my plate with fear in my eyes.

Slowly i grabbed a piece with my fork and placed it inside my mouth.

I looked up at Billie who gave me thumbs up smiling at me and i giggled a little.

After the first bite i eventually ate the whole thing, i could feel it in my stomach and it was bothering me.

I can't believe i actually ate the whole thing. And i don't know if i can keep it on my stomach for long.

"Look you ate it all! Im so proud of you Brook! Really" Billie cheered for me happily as that made me smile.

It's not a big achievement to eat breakfast and be proud of me about it but on the other side its good to hear that.

"I didn't do anything to be proud of me Bil but thanks" i said loud enough only for her to hear looking down at my empty plate.

"Yes you did even though you can't realise it, it was hard but you faced it" she said sympathetically and i just looked down without saying or doing anything.

Once Billie finished to we got up from the table and got ready to go to Finns house to pick him and Claudia up.

We said goodbye to mom and dad and walked to Billies car outside.

Billie got in the drivers seat and i sat beside her, we got buckled in as she started the car.

The whole ride was silent until i don't know why i said something.

"You're gonna tell mom and dad right..?" I said kinda sadly looking out of the window avoiding eye contact.

"No i won't, not cause they don't need to know but cause i think it's your place to do that and second I don't want to loose your trust on me by telling them when you told me not to. Even though i think they deserve to know, you are their child they care about you and won't judge you in any way" she said trying to encourage me as she kept her eyes on the road.

"Thank you..." Was the only thing I said and just stayed silent for the rest.

I don't think I'm ready for more people to know what I'm going through and what my problems are.

Plus i don't wanna make more people sad or feel sorry for me and be worriedv about me all the time. It's my fault that everyone is worried about me.

I think i made the decision to stay silent and not say anything to them. They don't deserve a broken child like me. The deserve a happy child who doesn't has secrets from everyone. They deserve someone better.

George sometimes says that if i continue to do that i will end up on a hospital and then everyone will know my secret anyway.

Oh well i kinda wanna end up on a hospital, i deserve that anyway. I will leave my last breaths there. And everyone will be happy again without me.

Everyone deserves to be happy in this family oh well except me of course.

The car door slamming close interrupted those thoughts in my head.

"Come on Brook we are here!" Billie said from outside the car to me as we were at Finns house.

I unbuckled my seat belt and got out of the car. Peaches came at us fast happily and jumping around.

We both petted Peaches and then we walked to the front door.

Claudia was waiting for us there as Finn was in the studio i suppose.

"Hello guys! Come in!" Claudia said kindly and we walked inside.

"Hi Claudia, Finn's on the studio right?" Billie asked as she hugged her. I just stayed silent.

"Yea he is let's go, I've made cookies too for us!" She said and Billie cheered.

We all together went down with Peaches following us behind.

"Hi guys!" Finneas said as we entered the studio room.

We greeted him back and i sat on the edge of the couch with Claudia while Billie sat with him.

They started talking about the song they were gonna record.

I found myself zoned out when Claudia suddenly whispered in my ear.

"Brook, you okay? You seem zoned out.." she said softly as i looked at her slowly as all the time i was facing the wall for no reason.

"Yea.. I'm okay don't worry about me" i said and gave her a fake smile to convince her i was fine.

"You sure? You don't really seem to be okay.." she said again kinda worried i must say.

"Yea I'm so sure, don't worry" i said looking at her again and she just nodded sadly.

Well she obviously doesn't believe me either. How come no one believes me, I'm that bad at lying about my feelings?

Billie was recorded a song i think it's called Oxytocin as i zoomed out again. Great.