Gwendoline One Shots

I hate this ~ Larissa

A/n: this is basically a massive vent post about my health problems. But why not turn it into a one-shot? Make being chronically ill fun! Also, I won't be naming the medication that is mentioned cause it really doesn't mean anything to you but if you really wanna know, just ask.

Life. Life sucks. Being ill sucks. Being chronically ill sucks. Being a woman sucks.

You were laid in bed one evening, waiting for your wife to return from work. It was Friday and it was your usual movie night but you couldn't move. She'd left you in the exact same position you were in now. Your diabetes was playing up, your birth control was deciding to be unhelpful, giving you severe cramps and mood swings when you weren't even on your period, you'd just run out of your special pain medication and you were about to be told off for not eating because again, more medication.

Well, that was the fault of being ill for 6 months, years of body shaming, and just being sad. Most days, you would cry so much, you would not be hungry, or just feel sick. Some days you would binge on sweets and that made your diabetes worse. And then you'd refuse to eat for the next few days.

You hear the car pull into the driveway but you couldn't be asked to move. You laid there, staring at the ceiling, listening to the front door open, the click of her heels, the rushing around the house before your bedroom door opened and she seated herself next to you.

"Hey my love how are you?" She asked as she reached across to brush some hair out of your face.
You just responded with a grunt.
"Have you eaten?" She reaches over to check what medication you'd taken.
"No." You managed to mumble out.
She sighed and left the room.

She returned after a while with a bowl of cereal. She placed it onto your bedside table.

"Darling, eat for me, you know you need to take this pill 3 times a day, with food!"
"No Riss, I'm not hungry!" You groan rolling away from her.
"You aren't helping yourself." She sighed, standing up and leaving again, probably going to work.

You started to cry silently, a skill you've mastered over the years. She was right you weren't helping yourself, but what about all those years you'd been trying? You'd been so ill as a teenager and they told you it would get better. And it did, for a while.

You cried until you went numb and curled up in a ball, before falling asleep. You woke up to find a pair of arms around you and your wife sobbing quietly.

You turned to face her, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"Riss what's up?" You whisper, placing a kiss on her forehead.
"Nothing darling, I'm ok." She smiled slightly, wiping away her tears.
"And I know I'm the one in therapy, but let me be like a therapist for a second, tell me everything, and anything. Tell me that you Secretly hate me, I don't mind!" You manage a small laugh.
"No, I'm just worried about you. You are so upset, you don't leave the bed most days, you don't eat, your diabetes is out of control, the birth control is just hurting you. You are so ill and I can't help." A few tears escape her beautiful ocean eyes.

"And that's the thing, no one can. No ever has been able to help. This is something I have to fix myself." You lay flat on your back, holding back tears.
She slipped her arms back around you, pulling you into her.

"Riss, I need to go there." You sigh
"You hate it there, no you don't." Panic consumes her voice.
"I want to be back with you and the kids at Nevermore. I can't do this Riss, I need help. I might not like it but if they see how bad it is, they might try, just not put me on more medication." You sigh as her grip becomes tighter.
"No darling, it broke you when you last went, please don't go!" She cries.
"Riss, you can take me in first thing Monday but can we spend all weekend cuddling, I don't feel like doing much else." You sigh.
"Anything for you. Let me draw you a bath." She hops out of bed, walking to the bathroom.

She then comes back and lifts you out of the bed, setting you down on the little seat in the bathroom. She helped undress you and when the bath was ready, helped you in. You laid there, not moving, almost lifeless.

Larissa went to leave but you reached out to stop her.
"Don't go." You mumble
She smiles and sits back down.
"Join me?" You whisper
"But you are poorly?"
"You are the best medicine." That made her blush and she undressed and slid behind you, so your head was resting on her chest. Her arms held you close and she helped calm you.

Your body was heavy, your chest was tight and your eyes were droopy. You shut your eyes for less than a minute but woke up in fresh pyjamas, laid on the bed. You rolled over and were face to face with your wife.

"You're awake. How do you feel?" She gave you a smile. You thought for a moment.
"Shit." Was the only word to really describe it.
"My love, do you really think it will get better at the hospital?" She raises an eyebrow.
"I don't know, I went in 3 months ago and it didn't help, I really have no other ideas Riss." You sigh as she pulled you close to her.
"I'm sorry honey. Can I do anything?"
"Go to the chemist, my pain medication and insulin need picking up."

She leaves for about 20 minutes before returning with your medication and favourite ice cream.

"Now you can only have pain relief if you have some food." She says strictly
"Not fair." You groan
"One spoon, that's all you need for your medication." She sighs, sitting next to you.
"No, please no."
"Come on, take your medication and then you can have the pain relief."
"Fine." You sigh as she hands you a spoon of ice cream. You grimace as you swallow it, followed by the pain relief and other pill.

You laid back, your hands resting on your stomach. Thinking. Thinking about how besides a few friends and your mum, she was the first person to understand and not leave, even your own dad left.

You felt a few tears escape before they were quickly wiped away by your wife.

"Honey, what's wrong?" She starts to stroke your hair.
"Thank you." You sob quietly
"For what?"
"Not leaving, caring for me, being you. You are one of the bravest people I know."
"I'm brave? You are so brave, I can't believe you say that. You are the most amazing person I know." She smiles
"Thank you."

1182 words

Middle of the night vent post, yayyyy. Just remember, if you need to talk, I am willing to listen, everyone has their own problems and sometimes it's nice to get them out in the open, or expressing them. Crying, screaming, writing, walking, talking, are all good ways to deal with pain. I thought it would be nice to share some of my struggles as a way to demonstrate that someone can seem ok, if they aren't. If I  can shower and get dressed and leave the house some days, doesn't mean I'm ok. And especially it being a hidden disability, because unless I told you, you wouldn't know, even in real life. Its ok not to be ok, and if you ever want to talk, remember I'm am ready to talk.
💗❤️💗❤️