In My Skin

CH 12 || Just A Little Mistake

I was on my way up to Chris's house, my thoughts jumping around but mostly going back to the reasons why I had to do this. I couldn't keep avoiding this decision forever. Even if it was uncomfortable. The memory of what had happened when I dragged things out was still fresh in my mind.

After that disastrous semester at my last university, I'd dropped out of school and started seeing an alternative practitioner who was also a psychologist. She'd helped me sort out my diet. Above all, she'd taught me other things: That the skin is a mirror of your soul. That there was something going wrong in my life and my body was saying it for me.

Then she'd asked me if I had problems setting boundaries. If I was scared to say what was on my mind. If I was afraid to lose people if I would voice my opinion. I'd felt like she was reading my life.

Trying to break set behavior patterns had been tedious and slow. Most nights I'd felt as if my life was over. But I'd gotten back on my feet. I'd stood up against my parents and applied for PSU. I'd made a conscious effort to change my eating habits, cutting out gluten, dairy, and processed foods. It wasn't easy, but I knew it was a necessary step in taking control of my life.

My palms were slick with sweat and I repeatedly dragged them over my jeans but it didn't help much. My heartbeat rang so loud it drowned out anything else. I parked the car and stared up at my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend's place. This was it.

Soft rain dribbled around me, dotting my clothes with tiny droplets. Several minutes passed after I rang the doorbell. A breath escaped me when the door finally opened and I was greeted by Chris, his face looking tired and his hair messy as if he'd just woken up, despite the early evening hour.

"Hey, Chris," I said hesitantly.

"Taylor? What are you doing here?" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I would invite you in but it's not a good time right now..." I briefly wondered what could possibly be up that he wouldn't even invite his girlfriend inside the house but then again it wasn't important anymore. Maybe it was for the better.

"I told you I wanted to talk."

"But couldn't this have waited until tomorrow? I barely got any sleep man. We hung out till noon today. I think the others are still out." His face took on a lazy grin as he looked me up and down. "I wouldn't mind joining you for a quick ride thought, if that's what you were going—"

"Let's break up."

At first, he seemed taken aback, but then he laughed as if I just told him a joke. "What? Is this a new method for attention or?"

I inhaled deeply, trying to stead my fluttering nerves. "No."

He crossed his arms a crease forming between his brows. "Is it still because of what happened last time? I thought we'd talked about this—"

"No. I just don't think that this relationship is going anywhere." I offered him a tight smile. "So, let's not dwell on it too much and move on. I'll see you on campus, Chris."

I was about to walk away when he snatched my arm, his scowl deepening. "Tay, what the hell? I told you I was sorry. You could be a bit more understanding about this."

"It's not about that. This whole thing." I motioned between us. "Was never going well or anywhere in the first place. I think breaking things off shouldn't be that surprising, to be honest."

His grip on my arm tightened. It was almost painful now. "I don't like playing games, alright? If you want something specific just tell me."

I squinted at him. "I already told you what I want. To break up. Now let go of me."