In My Skin

CH 52 || The Monster Beneath My Skin

Sometimes I pictured my eczema like a monster sleeping beneath my skin. Most of the time it was hibernating, and I could go about my daily life. Although I had to be careful and take precautions. Anything irritating needed to be avoided. Room scents, perfume, alcohol, stress—ny of those could wake it. One thing was for sure, I didn't want to wake the monster.

Even asleep, it was always present. It did take up a room inside my body after all. My skin was prone to be dry and easily irritable. If by chance I did stir it in its dreams, steroid creams or pills would force it back under. But with any pills that force your body to ignore something, they don't work forever.

Painkillers can help you through your day, but they don't fix broken bones. Antibiotics are needed when you have an infection, but every doctor knows that too much will build resistance. Steroids only helped until they didn't, like forcing down a lid onto a boiling pot so that the water doesn't spill. The problem was that the water was still cooking. It was only a matter of time until the pressure would make it explode.

And apparently, the drink I had the other night did just that.

Because the monster was awake. And it was roaring in anger.

Killian leaned against his car with closed eyes, chin tucked onto his chest, head drooping.

Only when I stopped a few feet away from him did he lift his head. I had my hood up—wearing my own hoodie today. No need to start a pity party by flashing my skin in all its horrid glory.

"Hey," he said slowly, eying the distance between us. There was a question in his lidded eyes and he blinked a few times as if forcing himself to stay awake.

"Hey," I replied, averting my gaze. A rock sank into my stomach, and I felt slightly sick.

"You said you wanted to talk?" he asked slowly.

"Yeah... I mean the month is up, right?" I chuckled awkwardly and then winced at the tightness on my face.

"Yeah." I could hear the hesitation in his tone. "And?"

"I—" Bile rose in the back of my throat and I swallowed, suddenly tongue-tied. "I forgot to ask--how's your sister?"

"She's better. She'll be fine. So? What are you thinking?"

"Um...that's good. That she's better—"

"About us," he interrupted me.

An iron fist wrapped around my heart and squeezed, but I spoke the words anyways. "I don't think it's a good idea."

A crease formed between his brows. "Okay..." He shook his head, ruffling his hair, and then hit me with a thousand-yard stare. "Care to share why? Because I'm pretty sure this wasn't the case a few days ago."

He was right. Reality had hit me like a bucket full of ice water. Now the monster had risen, tormenting me. And it hurt like hell. Somehow, though, this hurt worse.

But it would get better, I reminded myself. It usually did after I'd isolated myself.

"You knew this could happen," I said.

"Of course, I knew but...well shit. Fuck." His hand dragged down his face which seemed heavy with exhaustion. He looked tired. Even when he was tired, he looked handsome. Maybe even more so. "I had a really shitty weekend. I—"

Wasn't I just the worst human being? "I-I'm sorry," I stammered. "I know this comes at a shitty time..."

"But we had a deal, I know," he replied, his voice tight.

His gaze appeared unfocused, drifting into space. For once, his attention was not on me which made me realize that it always had been. There had never been a time when I wouldn't find his piercing eyes locked on me. It felt as though the ground beneath me was shifting, leaving me unsteady and disoriented.