It's the 9th month of dating Sampo and the words "I love you" haven't been uttered yet. I know in my head that it has to be me to say it first, since Sampo has a partial fear of commitment. And if he says it, I know I might run away from the situation cause I won't be prepared. Nope, it's gotta be me. As I was working a shift at my job, I knew Sampo was probably at home or with Serval (after getting me that gorgeous necklace he quit his job, as expected). Work is slow today, so I have a shift where I can basically focus on my problems as well. How I have I not told Sampo I love him? Even when we confessed we didn't exactly say I love you. Even with Serval I'm only able to say it sometimes, mostly out of embarrassment since she'll say it in public as well.
I don't know how to solve it either. It's like whenever the topic comes up, my stomachs in knots and my mouth is tongue tied to be quiet. I open my mouth but no words come out. I don't wanna have that problem when I actually DO decide to say it. 🙃 Geez it shouldn't be so hard for me.
Should I ask Serval for advice? I don't know how she would to relate to what I'm feeling, but she's helped me with my relationship with Sampo alot throughout the months. For gosh sakes, she even got us together in the first place.
She'd probably wanna help too, but she's been a little busy since she just got a deal with one of the big league musical critics in all of Belobog. I supported her in her decision. And this guy is different from the other critic. He's much more vibrant, into leadership, and supports..gay guys like me 💀. She's now making money off her talent but the it's the first month of her deal so she has a lot of concerts booked. Who knows if she'll have time to meet up w me this week just to talk abt my problem. Mmn, now I'm not sure. I pull out my phone and text Serval.
You: Sis
Serval: Wassup Geppiee
Geez, she really likes calling me Geppie. So does Sampo, ever since he found out that was my childhood nickname. I'm starting to TOLERATE it as this point but the whole thing is tomfoolery.
You: When can we meet up? I'd like to talk with you about something
Serval: **typing..**
Serval: Is it about Sampo 😏
You: NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT SAMPO-
Serval: then what's it abt
You: ...ok fine its about Sampo
Serval: KNEW ITTT‼️✨️
Serval: HAHAHAHAHA
You: 🙃🙏
Serval: *typing*
Serval: Yeah, we can meet up today at 5 if you're not busy
You: Sounds good, let's meet at that belobog bar a couple blocks from my house
Serval: You needa get drunk just to talk about your BF LOL
You: *typing*
You: I DID NOT SAY THAT
Serval: LOL U TOTALLY DID, k I'll meet you there for sure 👍
We meet up at the bar at 5 sharp.
"So, whats going on?" Serval asks as soon as we are at a table. I wait until my beer comes, drank a sip of it, then I explained my problem with saying I love you to Sampo.
"I just...can't get the words out, no matter how much I want to," I add, drinking another sip. Serval chugs half of the drink down, then looks up at me.
"Why do you think you have this fear? Is it possible you're afraid to be vulnerable?" Hmm, what she said doesn't sound exactly what I'm feeling. After all, I've been vulnerable with Sampo PLENTY of times by now so it's not like it's anything new. I silently shake my head in disagreement. Serval taps her chin, trying to think of another reason I would act this way. I finish my beer and let it sit there, it's only my 1st one but I don't want to get drunk today (plus my tolerance is only like 4 and a half beers so). Serval then perks her head up as if she has the answer already.
"It's a fear of rejection/heartbreak," She said positively. I scoff. "Ain't no way, Sampo would never reject me so why would I have a fear of it?" Serval smiles like I'm a little child making excuses. I AM NOT.
"In your head, you know that Sampo would probably never break up with you after an I love you, but in your heart you don't want to be let down, in fear of the relationship ending because of it. You love him, which is why its hard for you to say it because you want him to stay with you and love you back, this whole fear of heartbreak is the thing holding you back," Serval clarifies. Darn, she's making sense. I guess that's right, I felt something was holding me back but I had no clue what it was until now. What am I supposed to do about THAT?? I can't let this stupid fear get in the way. Logically, Sampo and his slight fear of commitment could make him break up with me, but wouldn't he want to know I love him while we're still in a relationship?? I must tell him. I must tell him. I MUST TELL HIM.
I thank Serval, give her a quick hug and run out of the bar. "Cute Geppie, he never changed one bit since we were kids," Serval says ro herself.
(5:38pm, Gepard and Sampos apartment)
I run to the stairs to get to the apartment, a moment of love passing over me as I ran up. It was like a calling from my heart. Tell him, tell him. I assume Sampos in the apartment. He said he was gonna do a TV marathon today with some show he's binge watching. I use the keys on the door slowly to gather up my composure. The door slams open. I huff with anticipation, I feel this move I'm making is out of character for me. Acting on a whim, doing something stupid and awfully dramatic, a gesture. I've never done it before, guess my love for Sampo is pretty strong after all, I thought to myself. This is stupid, but...that's love I suppose. It makes people like me-calm, composed, mature and efficient-act on their emotions more than they would normally. My heart is surging at this moment, it feels like it's pumping too much blood at a too fast rate, I even felt kinda dizzy. "Sampo," I called out to him out loud. He perked up as if he just noticed I came in. He gets up off the couch. I'm right next to the door, he passes by me to close the door first. After he does, as soon as he turns back to look at me, I press him against the door, holding his wrists captive with my hands, creating less distance between us. My brain wasn't in control anymore.
"I love you," I said, still huffing from running up those stupid stairs. A blush covers my face and I don't try to hide it. If anything it makes my feelings even more clear to him. Sampos eyes widen, he looks shocked to hear those words come out of me. He seems reluctant, perhaps speechless??? He flusters. I MADE THE INFAMOUS SAMPO KOSKI SPEECHLESS AND FLUSTERED??? I took small breaths as I awaited his response. Is..is he going to say anything? Or just stand in surprise...
"I love you too, my Geppie," Sampo whispers. His blush looks so adorable on his face. Once again I got that feeling like we were the only ones around. I suddenly felt all shy when I heard he said it back. Thank god...I worried all this time for nothing. His actions showed it all. Our confessions, our dates, him buying me a gift. As soon as the words TRULY sunk in, I grab his face and give him a kiss.
The kiss lasts a couple moments, then I let go and separate our lips. Gosh darn, he's a good kisser. So am I, of course 😏.
"Mmn... we should celebrate this moment with more kisses-"
"Don't push it, Koski," I say iconically. The blush deepens as he caresses my cheek, and eventually, we kiss a couple more times.
While we might have had a rocky start, I'm glad we gave each other a chance and that this happened. Hehe, I developed a soft spot for him after all.
YOU ARE READING
Keep Your Friends Close, And Your Enemies Even Closer
RomanceA wholesome, speedy paced story of Gepard and Sampo starting to like each other, going from their "rule follower chases rulebreaker" relationship to something more.
