Intertwined

Chapter 49: Thanks A Lot Google, I Thought We Were Friends

A X E L

It's past 3 now, the soothing darkness outside of the living room window is the only comforting thing in this moment.

I've been trying to sleep, trust me, but each time I try all I can think about is how Juliet was screaming, which seemed to hit a hammer against my head constantly. Screw this shit.

So, I thought of working on my application to Harvard. I had worked my butt off to get these grades, I had my extracurricular activities and community service down, now I just prayed I got in.

Love, Simon plays on the TV, and I watch it for the millionth time (courtesy of J), she always gets emotional when Simon's dad hugs him.

It's so beautiful, she'd say, almost crying.

Sure, I would tease, toying with a strand of her hair with her head on my lap.

How I wish she was next to me, staring at the screen.

I get up to go grab some food from the kitchen when I hear J's voice, with her back faced to me, she doesn't know I'm here as she talks on the phone.

"Can you stop worrying? I'm fine, I don't need you to babysit me- I know, that's very sweet of you, but get some sleep now, okay? I mean it, Chase. Bye, now. Goodnight," she hangs up, her voice comfortable.

That stupid Follow guy, ugh.

She turns around, her eyes wide. "Oh, hey."

Oh, crap. I've wanted to talk to her all day and now that I have the chance, words have escaped my body completely.

Yay me.

"Hey," I manage, trying not to think of her screams. "What- uh, how, how are you feeling now?"

She shakes her head. "I'm fine."

Of course, when have we ever given her the freedom to be anything else?

I sigh. "That's what you always say."

She smiles. "I'm fine, I swear."

We stand there awkwardly, in silence which is ironic because we have so much to say to each other, but we don't know where to begin or how to begin.

Is there a book for this? How To Talk To The Girl You Love After She Has An Panic Attack For Dummies kinda thing?

"I'm sorry," my voice comes out low.

"What?"

"I am, I'm so sorry. If we'd gotten there quicker-"

"No, no, Ax, stop it. You guys can't protect me from everything. Jenny and I dealt with it and we're fine now. What happened to me... it happened, and I'm not ashamed. I had an anxiety attack, I'm not a kid, I can talk about it."

"I don't know what to do, how to make this all go away," I whisper stepping closer to her. "If we were normal, all I'd have to worry about is remembering your birthday."

She laughs, stepping closer too. "You've always been good at that. I suck at dates."

I nod. "You really do."