All She Can Take

S I X

There's something mesmerizing about the produce aisle. The neat, orderly arrangement of the vegetables. The array of bright colors. The light mist spraying. Sid always loved it. She found comfort in the spontaneous beauty of produce and admired the near-uniform pyramids that the store arranged them in. 

She wondered how nature could grow something so perfectly over and over again. No matter how chaotic the world may be, nature still worked. Things still went into the ground and grew out of it. She reached out and plucked a big plump green pepper from the cascading mound. Sid allowed herself to squeeze it gently before she put it back and grabbed a smaller one. It'd be less expensive. A long focaccia bread protruded from her messenger bag courtesy of the Grazie.

"Excuse me. Is this yours?" An older lady held a Paw Patrol sippy cup out toward her.

"Oh, yes, thank you," Sid replied before looking down at AJ in his stroller. She wiped the mouth of the cup clean with a wipe before handing it back to AJ. He looked at it for exactly one second before tossing it on the floor again.

"Alright, I got you. No juice." She told him. She tossed the sippy cup in his diaper bag and put the tiny green pepper in her basket.

"Cookies! Cookie please!" AJ piped up in his stroller as she strode toward the registers. His hand alternated between clapping and pointing at the huge display of Oreos. Sid groaned. Not because she didn't want him to have Oreos, she really did want him to enjoy treats and snacks the way other kids had the freedom to. 

The problem was her. 

He'd drawn a sucky card in the lottery of Moms. Sid didn't have to check her wallet to know that she had exactly $10.47 to her name. And that was just enough to cover tonight's dinner. She looked in her basket and contemplated putting the broccoli back to get her little boy the cookies he wanted. But then thought better of it--she was sure he needed vegetables more than cookies. It sucked that it had to be a choice.

"Cookies, Mama. Cookies!" AJ was not letting up. People passed by and looked at him sweetly. The boy was beautiful. Even cocoa skin and big round eyes like his Dad; a shade of brown so light it seemed like the sun was shining from inside them. His curls tumbled down to his shoulders. She loved keeping his hair free and loose to do what it did naturally. People looked at her. Just let him have the cookies, their eyes were saying.

"You just had cookies earlier, baby. Maybe next time."

She and AJ both knew that was a lie. She wheeled away from the display quickly as AJ dissolved into pitiful moans. God just swallow me up whole, she prayed while she paid for the measly groceries she could afford and high tailed it the two blocks to her apartment in the same neighborhood where she grew up.

A group of guys chilled outside of the building. Music poured out of a black speaker the shape of a pill sitting on top of a crate in the corner. They were all huddled around some action going on on the ground. Dice. She rolled her eyes and let go of one of her long sighs. It was only a matter of time before a cheater was exposed or a sore loser got upset and their neighborhood with be on the ten o'clock news. Again. 

Smoke with an earthy funk hung all around. She wished like hell she could afford a dime bag right now. Something to take the edge off of the week. As she approached the door, one guy who was just observing the game eased over and held the door open for her. She thanked him. A regular hood gentleman he was. Once she was in the lobby she skipped checking the mail--no rush to collect bills-- and jammed the elevator button.

"Elevator's out." His voice scared the shit out of her. She didn't notice that he came in behind her. She looked from him to the elevators and back again.