All She Can Take

T H I R T Y - S I X

The B62 bus was a straight shot from the Macy's in Downtown Brooklyn to Ito. A bag full of clothes for Phil rested on the floor between Sid's legs as the bus rumbled over the rough streets. She did her best to guess his size and was annoyed to find that she hoped he liked what she picked. The anticipation of seeing him made her want to vomit and she didn't understand how her body was reacting this way. She should be more concerned with what just unfolded between her and Aiden but the truth is she tried to push it out of her mind since it happened. Getting lost in what he thought of her as a mother to their son would not be productive. 

It did rake over her spirit though. Pulling up the leaves of insecurities that had fallen since her season of motherhood began. Wore a part of her completely raw and uncovered. She knew what he thought. That she was an absolute mess. Hell, she had the same criticisms of herself, but hearing it come from him stung. There was a time when Sid laid herself bare to him in all ways. She would tell Aiden exactly what was hurting her and where and it would be a relief. But him voicing his worries to her...her being flawed in front of him...this time it felt less like a relief and more like a public shaming. Besides, he wasn't some hero riding in on a horse to save her. He hurt her. Lied to her and betrayed her. How dare tell her to pull herself together when he was one of the people who tore her apart?

The bus snaked its way through the streets until familiar surroundings came into view. Her building, and if she looked up, the orange curtains blowing in the windows of her apartment. Well her soon to be old apartment. It was crazy how disconnected she already felt from it after only a day waking up someplace else. She scoped out the usual suspects milling about the building.

Sid didn't know if she recognized the bright blue hair or the wild swaying hips first but before she knew it she was pressing the button to stop the bus and trotting down the block toward Chante.

"Chante!" Sid was walking as fast as she could and still had not closed any space between them. Those swaying hips must propel her twice as fast as the average woman. Sid called out again. Finally, Chante whipped around and through an angry hand in the air when she saw it was Sid. She thought twice about approaching but decided to anyway.

"Hey," Sid threw out cautiously.

"Where the fuck you been? Like, nah, really you disappeared and shit. I thought I was supposed to have lil' man today. I was calling you! I even told Nixon not to slide through."

"I know. I know. My bad. Shits just been real crazy."

"Yeah, I bet since Phil ass is out." Sid tried to look surprised and really didn't have to try too hard because she was kind of surprised. The streets really moved faster than 5G when it came to spreading business.

"Phil is out?" Sid tried to sound convincing and it seemed to work.

"Yeah, he hit me up looking for you. You ain't heard from him?"

"Nah, he hasn't reached out to me. I told you it wasn't like that with me and him."

"Yeah, well, keep it that way. Too much shit going on around here."

"Tell me about it. I gotta move soon.

"You're leaving me again? Damn, you're always ditching the hood!"

"I have to. For AJ at least."

"Whatchu mean 'for AJ'? You act like just as much grimey shit isn't going on in the suburbs."

"People aren't being shot in the street there, Chante."

"But they're killing people in other ways. Drugs, embezzlement, child sex slaves, and all that. Mad Epsteinish! You moving out of here doesn't make a difference. All that tells me is that you like your crime covert." Chante laid into her and Sid watched the concrete stay still beneath her feet, feeling like a child being scolded. She agreed with Chante...but it was complicated. "But there's good here. Don't forget that. Most of these businesses around here are owned by minorities. I'm about to be one of them too. I passed my Board of Health test to get my Day Care License."