All She Can Take

F O R T Y - F I V E

Sid remembered how she felt when she came back to Fort Greene after college. Moving her things, which only consisted of a bed and TV into the empty off-white apartment that dripped with bare necessity. AJ, just a wriggling newborn in his brand new car seat gifted to her by Whitney. She felt a sense of relief to be out of her mother's house. Critiquing whether she was holding his head right or wiping his butt correctly was grating on her nerves. 

Tanya's breath down her neck at every diaper change and bottle feeding. She thought Sidney should be breastfeeding even though Sid had spent a treacherous week trying to get AJ to latch and suckle properly. She cried for hours at the rawness of her nipples and he wailed endlessly because of his empty stomach. Eventually, she relented and fed him a bottle of formula, and immediately she and her baby boy began to relax. She mourned not being able to give him food from her own body but was also relieved that they were both finally at peace finally could begin to bond.

But that relief though was met by a stark reality. The barely-there job that she had at Grazie wouldn't even give her a paid day off to move. It was just starting to weigh on her then. The way the life you lead can sit so heavily on top of the life you dreamed of. Weighing it down. Suffocating it until you fear it can never come to life. Staring at those empty walls and spaces that she could not fill with furniture. Watching her child crawl around on a floor she had to scrub the dirt off until her hands were raw. And the weight was there. She was back in her apartment and now the weight was in the form of a backpack stuffed with cash sitting on her couch. It only took Tanya one day to come through for Sid like she said she would. She was surprised to find Regis at her door this morning, cradling a black leather Coach backpack that he placed at her feet before quickly excusing himself.

She wasted no time throwing her clothes on and heading out to find Kru. Only she didn't know exactly where she was going. It wasn't like Kru left detailed directions on where she could find him or some secret location where she could drop the money. She just knew that she would find him somehow. Terrorizing her neighborhood and sucking the opportunity and joy out of people's lives. As she reached the front of her apartment building, it doors propped open as usual, she stopped and looked around before going out. Assuring that she wasn't been stalked or followed. 

The afternoon sun was high in the sky and the block was packed. She clutched the straps of the backpack in her hands and took solace in the fact that he wouldn't kill her in broad daylight with so many witnesses. Sid took up the post where Frenchie usually stood. She watched a group of girls play double dutch. Their legs pumping faster and faster along with the thump of her heart in her chest. She let herself imagine for one moment that she was like those little girls again. Not a care in the world except making sure you made it in the rope on time and kept your feet moving.

The footsteps were behind before she had a chance to react and a hand was gripping her forearm. She struggled to get away, looking up to see Luke, Bomb, and Frenchie surrounding her. Luke's hand is the one that was fastened around her wrist. Sid shot him an angry stare and tried to pull away but her strength was no match for his.

"Yo, chill. You starting off all hostile and shit." Frenchie stepped in and put some space between Luke and Sid. She placed a hand on Sid's lower back. At first, Sid thought it was an endearing gesture but realized she was feeling for weapons. Convinced that Sid wasn't packing anything she motioned with her head for Sid to follow her. Luke fell back but she could still feel the pressure of his fingers in her skin. Her feet carried her forward as her mind tried to calculate all the ways this could go wrong. She was sandwiched between them, a silent Bomb bringing up the rear and Luke and Frenchie walked ahead of her. Luke gesturing angrily toward Frenchie who seem nonplussed by his aggression. Sid was equally confused so she stayed silent and watched him like an explosive that could explode at any moment.