All She Can Take

F O R T Y

"How?" Sid asked at the same time that Whitney asked "Who?". Sidney crossed the length of the closet to where her sister stood. Standing next to her she could feel that she was trembling. Sidney kicked herself internally. She always forgot about Whitney's feelings and what she didn't know about this entire situation. While Sid was tortured with having so many random facts about her father's death, Whitney was tortured with pure darkness. A confusing, baseless, churning mess of nothing related to her father's death. Sid lifted a finger and placed it on Kru's chest in the photo.

"This is the guy with the scar," Sidney said. She didn't need to say more than that. Whitney and Aiden were the only people who heard her and believe her.

"The guy who killed dad?" Whitney's large eyes, like their mothers, search Sidney's face and made her want to crumple. She nodded and as she did she felt the urge to reach out and fold her little sister into her arms. But before she could, Whitney's sadness had changed to hot anger. She loaded that anger into a canon and turned it toward their mother. "She told you! You didn't believe her."

"I never said I didn't believe you." Her mother responded. Sid rewound the tape of the day that she told her mother that she had seen someone push her father onto those train tracks. She remembered Regis. The boxes all around. Her mother's orange shirt. The first piece of actual clothing that she'd worn since her dad's funeral. And her words. You can't tell anyone about that. That's what she'd said to Sidney. While it wasn't an accusation or disbelief it was a dismissal. A complete dismissal that broke so many things for her. Sidney felt like her father's death was a crack in the windshield of her life and her mother's dismissal of what she saw...what she experienced was the heavy rock that shattered it completely.

And Aiden...she didn't even want to think of him. But Aiden...he was the sharp piece of glass that unexpectedly slid across her skin, opening a whole new wound, as she tried to clean up the mess. Sid thought of him. Taking away AJ. She was so weak already from everything that happened today, she couldn't even think that tomorrow she would have to face Aiden and somehow convince him that everything was okay. That she could still manage her life and give attention to AJ that he deserved. She wasn't so sure of it herself and that made her want to cry. She leaned against the wall of the plush closet. She was faint, the sensation crashed through her. She fought the urge to pass out right then and there.

"Him and your dad knew each other from high school and around the neighborhood. Kru was always into some underhanded things and tried to pull your dad into it after high school but your father, my 'Land," Sid's heart ached as she heard her mother use the nickname she always used for her Dad, Roland. Land. She almost thought her mother had forgotten that along with so many other things. But she remained quiet and listened. "He was determined to do things the right way. He got a job doing dishes at a Caribbean restaurant over on Gates and went to culinary school at night. He would barely see us." Her mother was in the past. Her eyes held a far off look that told them that she was back in that tiny two-bedroom apartment in Fort Greene. Doing her best to support her two girls while her husband chased his dreams.

"He was making it, too. After two years he got his associates and got a better job, actually cooking this time, at this nice restaurant in Manhattan. My Land. Had this whole thing planned out about how he was going to work his way to the top. And the owners, they had him believing it too. Said he had so much promise. Cause he did. Your father single-handedly turned that restaurant into one of the best in the city but still after ten years he'd only made it to Sous Chef. The head chef was just a pretty face and smooth talker but good for nothing. Your father hated it. Couldn't stand it." Tanya scrunched her face up in disgust on behalf of her dead husband.

"Kru was still around the neighborhood. Taking over absolutely everything. He had his hands in everything. Other people's businesses. Drugs, credit cards, music...absolutely anything he could get his hands in he was doing. I guess your dad must have mentioned wanting to run his own restaurant so Kru gave him the chance. Wanted him to open a spot right here in the neighborhood, of course, Kru just wanted another place where he could clean his filthy drug money. But, your dad wanted something of his own so bad. I should have told him it was a bad idea but I just wanted him to have whatever he dreamed of." Sidney watched as her mother's shoulders began to quake and her own emotions threatened to be her undoing as well. But Tanya pulled a few tissues from the Kleenex box on the vanity and continued on.