ill always be here (bokuaka)

prolouge

Ever since kunuki was little 'she' knew 'she' was different from other girls. 'She' in fact, acted more like a boy. 'She' always felt off about 'her' body. 'She' always had gotten along more with the boys, but never knew why. 'She' hated girly toys or clothes growing up.

Kuniki however was often forced into dresses and skirts. 'She' was only bought feminine toys, so 'she' read and drew often, causing 'her' to be a good artist, and very smart. To them 'she' was a girl. To them 'she' needed to act like one. But 'she' hated it.

As 'she' got older, 'her' parents gave up on forcing 'her' into girly clothes. They gave up on making 'her' act like a girl. They never questioned the lack of a chest of their 'daughter' since 'she' had a regular cycle. They simply thought 'she' was flat chested. They didnt question when 'she' cut 'her' hair. Long hair can be a hassle sometimes anyways. They just thought 'she' was a tomboy.

'She' wasent.

'She' was a he.

And he was born wrong.

But he cant come out. His parents are transphobic and homophobic. He has gone through many scenarios in his head, almost all of them turning out bad. Since almost all of them were bad he hid. He put up with it. He told a girl after volleyball season on his old team and she was disgusted. She spread it around school and he was bullied every day until graduation. The one person who helped him was a staff member, who on the last day of middle school, changed his name and pronouns in the system.

He got to high school, and nobody knew. Only a select few staff members knew. The coach, the club advisor, the receptionist, and the school nurse.

He plays with bandages around his chest, and only takes them off in his room. He dosent feel comfortable taking them off in front of his parents. They would know.

Hes scared.

Hes alone.

And hes trapped in a body that isnt his. It never was.

And it never will be either.