SAVAGE

05.

Matheo.

The wind blew freely against my skin, making it all tingly and satisfying being on Blue's back, I felt free, I felt alive just being there and I never wanted to let go. Laughter escaped my lips as Blue intentionally jumped higher than necessary, bouncing and yipping, somehow I loved this carefree feeling more than I'd like to admit, it was just us and none to get in the way but all good things end at some point.

"We have to go home Blue, even if your fur is keeping me warm." I reprimanded and the wolf whined. "I know love, but we can do this again soon." The bark was all the approval I needed, I knew next time we would be longer, I held on securely as the large beast bound freely in a sprint, I was used to his dangerous speeds by now.
.

We moved faster than before and soon we were by the backyard of our home, getting off wasn't an easy affair since in wolf form Blue still towered over me, it used to make me mad at first but I embraced it, I like to believe I got my height from dad though I'm even shorter, five foot seven in a household full of men with seven foot plus height was not easy. I got off and the wolf tackled me to the ground, again I was laughing like a madman. "It tickles staaap!" I knew he wouldn't stop, it went on for a while until I was covered in saliva and fur tickling me.

"Okay I love you too." I asserted and that got him to stop, it wasn't my whole truth though, I had no brotherly love for Savage, I made it seem like that but a lot of times my facade dropped, and the emotions I've always battled with since I was fourteen surfaced, I've loved Savage for so long that even I couldn't believe it, I had friends but no boyfriend, I had an overprotective family so they just relished in the fact that they could scare away boys that liked me but I've only ever had eyes for him, it's ridiculous how I haven't even had my first kiss because somehow I've been clinging to the fact that he will be the one to take it, reality never worked that way.

Would we ever be out in the open, our hearts bare of the secrets we both share, now that he was free of a bond that held him back would he look at me or would he look elsewhere, I was prepared to let him be happy with his mate but with that removed from the equation is it so wrong to want him even more, is it so wrong to keep grasping to the little sliver of hope that someday we could love each other like our parents, find our own way in the gloomy dark, I wanted that kind of love, would I ever get it or was it pipe dreams ringing in my heart.

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired, those words always echo in my head when I try to convince myself that I could live and love another when the one who's had my heart the longest was there, I've always desired him, wanted him, I've always been in arms reach but never quite so, I wanted him to love me back but what would be the cost, even if we were to love the other, would we be accepted, would our choices be accepted, I was his brother, blood or not I was his brother, we were connected and here I was pining over him like a love sick fool, I was drunk in love I knew that but he was still my brother, how many boundaries would I have crossed to be with him.

You must get out of your own way to get what you want, if it were me getting into my own way would be turned into an art form, maybe that was the way, maybe I just had to hold on and see, would it course correct itself or orchestrating the perfect union was a bad way, I was confused and more than ever I needed papa to put things into perspective, for now, I just had to be there and hope everything made sense with time because I didn't know what to do with myself, I had a myriad of emotions caused by one wolf, raging in my head.

Today was a good and bad day, hopefully better days would follow, but knowing how unlucky chains string along in this crazy family of mine, I doubted anything good would happen for a short while, hopefully when our parents came to check up on us things would be a little different, they wouldn't need to mass murder or burn down a pack, hopefully. "Matty you okay sweetheart." That deep soothing voice wrapped around my heart and caused me to come back to the land of the living, I knew I had spaced out, he was standing dangerously close and without any clothing.

"I'm fine, just thinking, let's get inside, I need a shower." I whined but before I could complain more I was in his arms walking into the house, it was warm as usual and the familiar feeling of home washed over me. "How chivalrous." I teased and he growled with his teeth snapping making me flinch back. "You're being mean again." I pointed and he scoffed, why were men and boys such jerks sometimes, yet that roguish and jerk attitude made them even more attractive, I really needed to get my lust under control.

"So have you thought about what you're cooking for dinner, I'm starved." He exclaimed and of course, he was, three and half hour cycles, I knew his body burned through food in that amount of time. "No, not yet, how about Bolognese, I could add in steak, and cheesecake." I offered and the smile on his face was all the approval I needed, we reached my room yet there was no him putting me down, we walked straight to his bedroom and I wondered what was going on.

"Good Sir, my bedroom is over there." I pointed out and he raised an eyebrow, of course he retorted that he knew that, even though silently. "I know you know where my room is, why not take me there?" I argued as his facial expression changed. "Why am I bathing in your room, I can clean myself thank you very little." I responded, maybe that sounded a little too weird, he held an amused smirk on his face. "Oh shut up." I growled out hiding between his neck and shoulder.

We reached the bathroom and I was easily stripped of my clothing, set down on the edge of the bath, silently the bath was filled with warm water, he added bath salts and the lavender bubble bath he somehow took from my room and made it his own. "Let me guess you want to get in there with me, we don't wave the rubber ducks we played with back then." He replied to argument with a lazy smile and a shrug, again I was lifted and placed in the warm almost scalding water, gently he rubbed and massaged my head, I was cleaned till I was squeaky clean, every part of me, I was honestly happy to have had my self control, I almost got hard six times.

"Now can I go?" I asked trying to move from the bath but I was clamped down. "You're seriously playful today." I remarked making him chuckle, his expression darkened slightly and the thought of his rejection this morning crossed my mind, he was just moving on and trying to forget. I moved to where he was seated in the bath, it was really large enough to hold five people all with his height, it was custom made after all.

"Come on let me wash you, you're dirty, and I might even throw in a massage." I suggested and his face brightened. "I know love." I replied to his unsaid appreciation, it wasn't that hard washing Savage, what was hard was avoiding his lower region, I'd seen it growing up, ever since we were kids, I've seen it grow, but still, it's size simply baffles me till now, he grew, I get it but it was mind boggling. I was trying to avoid it yet I made it worse, it was half hard by the time I finished with the slippery massage, somehow this whole thing didn't feel like it normally did.

He and I knew the other's body even in the dark, we've grown up together, we showered together so many times that counting would be a waste, but this part was different, made me feel different, somehow I knew something had changed, he pulled me down between his legs as the water drained away and more poured into the large bathtub, he sighed with an expression I could always read. "You're welcome Savey." I replied with my own smile as we let the hot water soothe us, in our very comprising position.

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I may not write a lot of Matheo's thoughts but when I do, it's different from my other characters, it just feels even more real. And those of you who are wondering how Matty talked to Savage without him actually saying words, well read Heathen, if you have, youll know.

LMJ