"Dada? I ask confusion in my voice. " what the hell am I doing home?"
My head is killing me. I don't feel the pain of not having my mate though. Only the pain of my brain and heart pulsing. The alcohol still in my veins. Making me lightheaded.
I look around to see my family standing in front of me with hurt looks on their faces. The pack around them. I look around to see a teary eyed Ethan in Zach's arms.
I couldn't find it in me to be mad at them. It's like I've given up. Who cares if my family, pack, and mate knows I get fucked up on alcohol. I've hidden it for a long time now.
"Go ahead, yell at me about what a fuck up I am, and how I'm drinking my life away." I say in a defeated voice as I sit up.
Instead I'm shocked at what I hear. "Baby, why would you take up drinking?"
I get pissed. Standing up slowly, I'm sure anger is evident on my face. "Do you not get it? Do you not see it? The pain I go through everyday! Do you not see how I'm dying inside each day! How it takes everything in me to get up every morning!"
"Baby!" Dada tries to step towards me, but I hold my hand up to stop him.
"No!" I scream. "I'm tired of it! Do you not see what's happening to me? How I'm dying inside! Yet you act like there's noting wrong!"
The words that come out my mouth next, I can never take back. "What the hell is wrong with you! You're no family! You take the side of the one person that has hurt me beyond belief!"
Shock and hurt crosses their faces. Dada has tears in his eyes, but I don't care. Running, I push them away, as I make my way to the door, I feel sparks on my hand as I push my way through.
Running out the door, I run to my safe heaven. Jumping into the water, I swim to my cave. Swimming through it, I come up. Pulling myself onto the rock, I stand.
I start to pound my fist on the wall and scream from the top of my lungs. I continue to pound my fist on the rock. I feel and hear the bones in my band break.
I do this until I couldn't scream anymore, and I black out, falling to the floor.
"What the hell is wrong with you! You're no family! You take the side of the one person that has hurt me beyond belief!" Is the exact words he yells before he pushes his way to the door.
He must not of seen me, because when he pushes me away and the delicous sparks erupt, he still doesn't stop.
He runs out the door. A loud sob comes from Kellin. "He hates us!"
Austen wraps his arms around Kellin. You could tell the words Kiel spoke hurt him too for his face said it all.
"He doesn't hate us." Austen's voice is thick. "He's just in pain."
"You heard him! He thinks we don't know how much pain he's in! When I know my baby's in so much pain!" Kellin wails in Austen's chest.
I step into the room with my head down. This is all my fault. How can I live with myself knowing I'm killing my mate slowly.
"We have to tell him." I whisper with my head still down.
Shock fills Kiel's family faces. "Are you sure Mau?" Austen ask of me.
My voice comes out confident, but I wasn't feeling confident. "Yes. I'm hurting him, and killing him slowly with pain. He needs to know."
They nod their heads. "But first let's let Kiel calm down." Zairian orders.
I hope Kiel will understand why I've been distant from him. He has to understand. I can't live without him.
He may not know it but I watched him from the first time I met him to this very day. I've been to every one of his school events and his band concerts.
I've been in the crowd, watching and waiting. I know everything about Kiel. From his favorites to his dislikes.
I know the pain I put him through. Because I felt the pain I put him through. But now that pain will stop. I will tell him everything.
And I hope he understands.
