I want to live. I want to love. I think I am ready.

love blinds

D E A N

«Hello, Dean.» Jack smiles as they meet his eyes, before sitting down on the steps to hug Miracle, «I heard your prayer. I'm sorry I haven't been able to come to visit. But I wanted to. I've missed you too.»

Oh my... Even the way they say that phrase sounds like him. Jack is so much like Cas that one wouldn't believe anyone claiming him to not being his kid. Although Cas isn't the one who sired Jack, he is more of a father to Jack than anyone else. Cas is, and always has been, more of a father to Jack than John ever was a father to Dean.

«Hey, kid.» Dean walks over to them and as Jack stands back up, Dean embraces them. Pulling Jack close and holding them for a long moment. When he pulls away he smiles sadly down at the kid, ruffling their hair. «You have nothing to apologize to. If anyone should apologize, it's me. I know I haven't been good to you lately, and I really am sorry for all of it. No, don't try apologizing for me... I know we were just creatures in a sick play, written by God, but I can't blame Chuck for everything.»

«Dean, I know you didn't mean to be cruel like you think you were. I know you, I've seen your soul and I know you are good. But even good souls have to let loose sometimes»

«I still regret some of the things I said.»

«I know they weren't your words.»

«Jack, I need you to know that. I know Cas was... is. Is your father and I know he's your family, but so am I. You are my family too. I would do anything to save you. Of course, you are important to me, of course, I love you. Never ever doubt that again.»

«I never did doubt it, Dean. You were the one who did.» Jack smiles a sad smile at him as they scratch the fluffy dog that sits beside him. «Cas has been my father since before I was born, but you too have been my father, ever since I was born. And I never doubted your love, even when you tried to hide it, your love bled through. Yes, I tried hard to make you show it sometimes. But just because you didn't show it, doesn't mean I didn't know it was there.»

Sitting down Dean turns his eyes away from Jack to hide the tortured look he knows is shining in his eyes. After a moment of hesitation, Dean once again asks Jack about the one thing that has been on his mind since that night. «Do you think we can get him back?»

«I have faith.»

«I wish I could borrow some of that.»

«It's not something you can borrow. It's something you do. Just like everything you do, you do for the love of your people.» The words stab Dean in the chest like an invisible knife. He flinches at the words that sound so much like the words he keeps repeating in his mind. He tries to hide it, but Jack notices, which evokes a deep and concerned look on their face. «What is it, Dean? Did I do something, or say something?»

«I... It's just... I...» Dean, not able to formulate words places his elbows on top of the open books on the table, hiding his face in his hands.

«Dean. You can talk to me.» Jack reaches across the table and softly rests a hand on Deans's shoulder. «You can talk to me about him.»

At that Dean looks up again, seeing that even Jack's eyes are glassy at the thought of him. It's almost a little comical. The New God sitting in a bunker, comforting a broken man that once was the most faithless of them all. Dean was a fallen and broken man afraid of faith, who fell in love with a fallen angel driven by faith and fear of falling. They had both fallen into and from faith, both somehow healing each other as they fell together.

«The night the Empty took him...» his throat closes up, making even breathing hard. Clenching his fists on the table he closes his eyes, about to try again, but Jack interrupts him.