I want to live. I want to love. I think I am ready.

a blessed broken road

S A M

It's dark, and well past midnight when Sam and Eileen finally arrive in the small remote town by the mountains. She pulls the car into the motel parking lot, filling the comfortable silence of the car with a tired sigh, to which Sam answers with a tired but blissful smile.

They had been on the road for two days now and had already visited four hunters on the way. They all took the invitation to move to the bunker with such joy that Sam knew he was doing the right thing, gathering and establishing a new hunter community. Their joy would be worth all the hard work he knew it would be.

«I would say that today was a success.» Eileen smiles.

«Yeah, it was.»

«Come on, let's get some sleep. I think we have deserved it.»

Sam takes her hand in his as they head for the room they booked earlier. It's a quiet and charming old town and the fresh air tastes of forest and rain. They say you can smell it in the air, right before it starts to rain. Especially in places like this, far away from the big cities, the area surrounding by huge forests and beautiful nature. Looking up at the sky before they head through the door, Sam can see clouds passing by, each one heavier than the next.

It's a peaceful night.

Sam wakes the next morning to the sound of rain, the room cooler than it was the night before. With a small shiver, he pulls Eileen closer, hugging her closer to his chest. A small and tired «morning» escapes her lips and all he can do is smile brightly at her as he kisses her forehead. Neither of them really wants to get up, both wanting to just stay like this for as long as possible.

So much had happened in their lives the last couple of years, so these peaceful and quiet moments they could spend in each other's arms were treasured by both. But eventually, they get up, having to be on their way. Sam keeps a small smile on his lips, eyes shining with love.

Although the rain keeps pouring down all day, making it a slow but quiet day on the road. They don't talk much while driving, just enjoying each other's company. Eileen enjoys watching the world go by outside the windows, almost getting lost between the trees of the big forest they keep passing through. Sam tries to keep up the good mood from this morning, but worry for his brother keeps distracting him. Eileen, of course, catches up on it right away but says nothing until they stop at a diner for dinner.

«Hey, love. What's bothering you?» She asks as she sits on the hood of her car, eating a chicken burrito, her favorite, for dinner.

«It's... I don't know... I'm just worried, I guess.»

«About Dean?» Of course, she knows. Although they haven't known each other for more than a couple of years, she knows him better than most people.

«Yeah.» His lips pull up in half a smile, half a pained grimace.

«And...» Eileen leans forward a bit to catch his eyes.

«And Cas.» He leans against the side of the car, turning to face her fully.

«Talk to me, Sam. I'm worried about Dean too, and I hope he finds a way, soon, to bring him back. But I hate seeing you worried, so if it would help to maybe talk about it? Then talk to me, love.» This woman is way too good for this world, Sam thinks, wondering how he got so lucky to get to know her.

«You know. Dean sees his life as a broken road, one that he is destined to follow. There are no exits, nowhere to pull the car in another direction. So all he does is keep on driving.» Sam watches the town in front of them. He goes quiet for a while until he continues, his voice is more distant as his mind is somewhere else. «He's been on this road all his life. Dean has been by my side my entire life, protecting me. His promise to protect, and take care of me, has been his whole life. But then... then Cas came around.»

Moments pass by as cars pass them, heading down the main street. It stopped raining an hour ago, but it still lingers in the air. Eileen patiently waits for Sam to continue, when he feels like it. It's one of the many things he loves about her, how she understands him, and what he needs in moments like this. How kind she is, and caring.

«Dean's been watching me all my life, living for me to live. But with Cas, he started to live his life too. I've never seen my brother be the way he is when he is with Cas. At first, they were simply best friends, and eventually, Cas became family, but then something changed. Something changed around the time they were lost in purgatory together. I don't know what, but he was different when he came back. Dean came back alone, and I've never seen him that broken. And then Cas returned. And it was as if Dean had regained the spark of life. Like he had found his reason for living again.»

«He was in love. Right?»

«Yeah,» Sam smiles at that. They've never talked about it before, and yet she understands it's completely. Because it's something that anyone can see when looking g at the hunter and the angel. «I didn't understand it at first, but when I first saw it, I couldn't help but not see it. It was in everything he did. Everything they did. The longing looks they shared. The careful words. Even the fighting and the harsh words. It was all there. When Cas died, we both lost him, but I also lost Dean. It was as if he had just given up, and he was slowly falling apart, falling from life. And then Cas returned, and once again Dean was alive. The road that Dean has driven all his life was suddenly running through heaven. Cas crashed into his life, and blessed this broken road that Dean had been on all his life.»

«He showed Dean what living meant, not just existing, but living,» Eileen whispers as she slides from the hood of the car and moves towards him, pulling her arms around his waist, resting in his arm hook, her back against the car.

«One could almost believe that the broken road always has been leading them together. I've never seen anyone love someone the way they love each other. And yet they are both too stupid and blind to realize that that love is most definitely reciprocated. Those stupid idiots can't see what's been right in front of their noses, literally, for over a decade, even though they spent half their time together, staring into each others eyes, making it hella uncomfortable for anyone else in the room. Believe me, I know.» She laughs at that, making him laugh too because he knows that she knows exactly what he's talking about.

«He'll be fine, Sam. Dean will be fine. And so will Cas. And you, and me. We all will, we just need a moment to figure out how to get there. But we will.»

He smiles down at his wonderfully beautiful girlfriend. Pulling back slightly, he raises his hand to sign I love you, accompanied by the brightest smiles he can remember to have smiled in weeks. She returns the smile with one of her own as she reaches up and kisses him.

«Your signing is getting better.» She says before she smiles even wider, and then signs I love you too.