I want to live. I want to love. I think I am ready.

human

D E A N

Dean isn't gone for long, but as he returns to his bedroom, hands nervously carrying a tray with two plates filled with food, Cas is already sound asleep. He sets down the tray on his desk, moving to spread his blanket over the resting body. Dean's hand lingers by his face, gently stroking it before he takes some of the food from his plate.

He should have said it already.

He should have said it already.

Dean, you fucking coward, he thinks to himself as he studies Cas. He'd promised himself that he would tell the angel how he felt. Tell him as soon as he got the opportunity, finally say the words he's been holding back all these years. The words he could finally say, and had been needing to say out loud for the last two months. He'd wanted Cas to be the first to hear them, so he hadn't said them out loud to anyone. But now that Cas was back, Dean found the words as hard to say as ever.

He needs Cas to hear them.

And yet, when Dean finally had the chance to say it all, his whole brain went numb. Not a single word forming as he sat there in the dungeon, staring at the other man. He couldn't tear his eyes off the angel, and yet, not a single word left him.

Exhausted and finished, Dean heads for the bathroom to wash his face and change his clothes, Cas is still sleeping when Dean returns, so Dean heads for the lounge chair that Cas always claims. He doesn't mean to fall asleep right away, but he's out like a light the moment he leans back, feet outstretched and resting on the bed.

He wakes sometime later to the sound of Cas restlessly sleeping, turning over in Dean's bed, seeming to not find any peace. Dean moves to his side, sitting down at the edge of the bed, gently waking the angel.

"Dean!" It's barely a whisper but the way Cas says his name it sounds like a scream.

"Hey, Cas. You're okay. It's okay. You're safe." He gently whispers in return.

"Dean. Am I... Are we..." half-awake, Cas looks around, eyes are not really focused, mind not really awake.

"You're okay Cas, I'm here." Dean rests a hand at the other man's shoulder.

"Will you stay?"

"Always."

"Don't leave, please." Cas whispers, but the words still reach Dean as he reaches out to take Dean's hand, and a tear escapes down his face, still half lost in sleep.

"I'm not going anywhere without you."

Before he can talk himself out of it, before his coward heart wins again, Dean lays down beside the angel. Laying on his side, he studies his face, as Cas falls back into a more peaceful sleep. With a smile on his lips, so does Dean, only moments later.

Neither of them has slept this good for a very long time.

***

When Dean wakes again some time later, almost fully rested, and finds that his hand had some time during his sleep, reached out and taken Cas's hand.

Slightly tightening his grip on Cas's hand, Dean smiles at the quiet room. Their hands intertwined, rested above his heart.

Looking around the room, he can see that someone has turned off all the lights. The two lamps, one on each side of his bed, had been dimly lit when he fell asleep. The light in the hallway has also been turned off. And the food on his desk is long gone, not even his half-empty class has been left on his desk. Most likely Sam who had come to look for them, finding them both asleep.