Crashing Into Blue

Chapter 20

I'm making my way back into the house, feeling the warm wooden deck and tickling grains of sand beneath my feet, as I mull over the current situation. Patrick seems to be... jealous? I feel a small smirk grace my face. I can't believe that this crazy stupid plan is working. I mean, who knew that it took so little to get into his head when I spent summers trying to get him to notice me. If I knew, I could have tried this way sooner; it may have alleviated many summer days spent distantly pining.

As I reach the sliding back doors and feel the air conditioning kiss my skin, I think about the flip side to Patrick's seemingly sudden affection and re-interest; Jasmine. How can he be tossing around signals, and asking me about my feelings for him, and touching me the way he did while his girlfriend is just down the street? As his deep blue eyes met mine and set my heart racing, from what I can now say with a clear mind was a mix of both exhilaration and nerves (predominantly the latter I admit to myself), Jasmine could have been running right by my house, totally ignorant to the fact that her boyfriend was within yelling distance, trying to...

My mind cuts off. Trying to what, exactly? I think to myself. What would have happened if I didn't stand up and break the moment we were in, when I did? I drop my head onto the kitchen counter, and I feel shame slip over me like a heavy, oily cloak. I'm not trying to win him back, am I? I shiver at the thought and shake out my arms and legs. I turn on the kitchen tap and let the water cool while I reach for a glass in the cupboard. Once the water is cold and crisp, I fill up my glass and lean against the counter. I think over the situation some more as I take small, measured sips.

The whole point of having Samson act as my stand-in boyfriend is to show Patrick that I am over him and living my best life without him; I wanted to be a carefree girl, having a carefree summer romance, and if he happened to bear witness to that then so be it. But it seems that the plan is working beyond the expected scope, if our encounter says anything at all. If he decided that he wanted to get back together... would I want that? I think about how I would have to have a fake breakup with Samson, and even worse, there's Jasmine to consider, someone who's not just a pawn in my own messy game. She's in a legitimate relationship with Patrick; maybe she's even in love with him, like I once was. I immediately block the thought that maybe, underneath all this deception and scheming, that I could still be, at least a little.

I put my glass in the sink, empty of its contents, and decide then and there that I will not get in the way of Jasmine and Patrick; that was never the intention and I won't let it become the intention. Plus, I've already had my run with Patrick, and look how that turned out. But as I make my way towards my guitars, a small voice pipes up in the back of my mind. But what if he breaks up with her? Then what will happen?

I throw myself into the music and try to drown it all out.