Dead To Me

Chapter 7- Long Time, No See

Clary's pov:

After they all come in and sit down, I go to the kitchen to make everyone drinks. It's funny how after all this time, I still remember everyone's order. Magnus and Izzy like lemonade mixed with lemon-lime soda, blueberries, and fresh mint which they called blueberry lemonade. Alec liked simple coffee with a tsp. of sugar and a little bit of cream. Simon's favorite is green tea with ginger and lemon. And Jace liked black coffee, just like I do. I remember all the times we'd go out for coffee and our friends would tease us about how we were a match made in weirdo heaven while we shared a venti black coffee.
"Ugh, Clary, stop thinking like this. He hurt you and he'll do it again if you let him." I mumble under my breath to myself. I finish making the drinks, get some apple juice for my kids, put everything on a tray, then walk out the living room.

Izzy was on the floor, playing with Juliet telling her how pretty her her purple, green and blue tutu was, Jewel flourishing in the attention. Simon was next to Izzy, looking at her adoringly. Calder was asking Magnus why, if he was a guy, was he wearing glitter, causing Magnus and Alec to laugh at the 6 year olds bluntness while Magnus said "Because I like it", causing Cal to just say "Oh, okay." with a thoughtful look on his face. Jace sat awkwardly in a chair, looking between Jewel and Cal curiously. I came in and handed everyone their drinks, though when I handed Jace his drink, I avoided his gaze.

I sat down in a chair next to the couch, opposite of Jace, then told the kids to go play in Juliet's room. After they had gone, We all sat in silence till simon asked "So, Clary, how have things been for the past 6 and 3/4 years?" in an extremely blunt manner, causing everyone to look at him questioningly, while he just shrugged. I then laughed a little and said, "well Si, um... quite different to be honest. I mean, ya know, i'm a mom, I live in Wisconsin, I have met a bunch of people, yet haven't seen my family or any of you in over half a decade." my voice got cold and mad toward the end and glared at Jace without even meaning to, but then looked away as quick as I could. After another moment of silence, Alec asked, "Yeah um, why Wisconsin exactly?" causing everyone but Jace to laugh a bit. Jace wasn't doing anything but staring into his coffee mug as if it were the most Interesting thing in the world.

After an hour and a half of me telling them all about my new life, my new friends, and many the adventures I had, along with telling the how much I missed them, Juliet came running in, crying because Cal had ripped the strap the sparkly black tank-top she was wearing, while Cal came in after her yelling that it was an accident. I told them to hold on, while suggesting that my friends leave and I would call them later. I went to settle down Jewel, Calm her and assure her the the shirt was fixable, then make Cal apologize. I then realized that with all the commotion and the shock of seeing everyone again, I forgot to feed the kids lunch so I went to the kitchen.

I got into the kitchen and put the fried rice in the microwave, then turned around and nearly had a heart attack. Standing against the wall opposites from where I was standing, was Jace. I screamed a little before realizing it was him, then blushed from embarrassment, then got mad for being embarrassed. He was looking down at his boots causing his bangs to fall over his eyes, and even when I had screamed, he didn't look up.
"Jace, what the hell! Are you trying to freaking kill me. I mean seriously, I thought you left! Would it have killed you to give me some damn warning! By the freaking angel, why are you even here?" I yelled angrily. He simply shrugged, then looked up and our eyes meet. His eyes were welling with tears, which is the last thing I expected. I had no clue what to say next, and my breath was hitched in my throat, so he and I held eye contact. Green meeting gold. We stayed like that for god knows how long till finally he said "Clary, I am so freaking sorry. I am so, so sorry for everything. I don't know what I can do to make it up to you, but I will make it up to you, or die trying". A single tear rolled down his cheek.

The sight of him made my chest well with emotion and the urge to wipe his tear away was so hard to resist that I actually had to grab the edge of the counter to keep from running into his arms.
"I'm not sure you can Jace. You really hurt me. You made my life so different with a new place, and having to leave my old friends and family behind. That's not something a simple sorry can change." I said willing the tears I could feel building in my eyes to go away and trying hard to keep my voice a level tone.
"Clary, I know a simple sorry won't fix it, but I will do anything to make it up to you. Anything at all. I know you are still pissed, but I need to know are the kids... are Juliet and Clader my children?" He asked, trying to get me to look him in the eyes. Even though he was on the other side on the kitchen, it felt like he was only an inch away, and I didn't know weather I wanted to be closer to him or to run away. It seemed as if I couldn't speak, but I eventually managed to choke out "Y-yeah, biologically they are your children".

He gasped sharply, then walked closer to me slowly till he was no more that 8 inches away from me. I looked down at the tile, but he reaches out and tilts my head up, forcing me to face him. Then, he said "Clary, please just give me the chance. We can be together... as a family. We can be happy. It can be perfect, PLEASE!" he said wistfully. He looks so desperate, so upset.
"Jace, I can't. We can't. there's... um... someone else." I say It takes every bit of strength I can muster just to utter those few simple sentences and it seems to cause me actual pain in my heart. He backs away as if I somehow burned him. He whispered "Oh" then turned and darted out of the house. The tears finally spilt over my eyes as I sunk down to the floor.

Tears spilt onto my cheeks for a couple of minutes until I heard a small voice say "Mommy?". It was Calder. He and Juliet were standing in the doorway looking extremely concerned. Not wanting to burden them with my issues, I simply said "It's okay love, i'm fine. Why don't you and Jewel get washed away with up for lunch, Yeah?" Then watched as they slowly nodded and walked away, leaving me wondering how on earth all of this would end up. I then got up, and got my kids food, because that's all I could do for them at the moment.

Jace's POV

I'm running as fast as my feet will take me. My heart is pounding, my lungs burn, my muscles are screaming, and i'm sweating buckets but I still run. I spent 6 years looking for her, finally find her, and she's with someone else? I can practically feel the universe laughing in my face. How can my life be this cruel. I make a mistake, I lose the one that means the most to me. I spend 6 years looking for her and find her, only to learn she's with someone else. I also have 2 children. How did this even happen?

*Flashback* it's 11:30 at night and i'm at pandemonium. I was on a hunt, but I killed the demons, so I decided to have a drink. One drink turned into two, two into three, three into four, until I was on my 10th drink. A girl came up to me, and we started flirting. She was pretty a pretty fey girl, with a pale violet skin, platinum blond hair with, and purple hydrangeas braided throughout her hair. Something was nagging at the back of my mind, telling me I shouldn't do this, but I pushed it aside. We went home and the next morning, I woke up naked next to her. The activities of last night came rushing back to me and I panicked. I texted Clary, telling her not to come today. I needed to fix this. I woke the girl up and told her she needed to leave. I honestly don't even know how it happened, but next thing I know, we were making out, shirts off, and she was trying to undo my pants. I was about to tell her to stop, that I couldn't do this, but then I heard a sharp gasp and Clary was standing in the doorway. She ran away and I ran after her, but I didn't catch her in time. I ran to her house, when I got there she was preparing a portal. I broke the door down, I tried to get her to stay but I couldn't. I went into her room and sat on her bed. I looked around, noticing a lot of her things were gone. She must have taken them with her. Then I notice something on the vanity. I walk over to it and realize what it is. It's the necklace I gave her on the 4th of July. Seeing that broke me.

I sat in her room and cried for a while, then decided to leave before someone showed up. I don't even remember the walk back to the institute, just lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling while tears fell silently down my cheeks. I could feel my heart shattering in my chest *end of flashback*

At that time, I thought that would be the worst pain I ever felt. Now I'm pretty sure it's this. I don't know where I'm going, but I still run. I run because I am trying to run my life away. Though I know it's false hope, I keep hoping that if I run fast enough, my life won't catch up to me, but it will. You can't run from life, because it'll always catch up and then hurt twice as much. You need to face it head on, so I stop. I stop, turn around, and walk back to the hotel i'm staying in so I can figure out what to do next.