Paint Me Saved ✓ Book 1

37. Hello darkness, my old friend

Zemira

Sunlight used to stream into Leo's apartment, illuminating the room like a place out of a fantasy movie. My alarm used to blare yet, I would be sound asleep to witness the morning hues in the sky.

Sunlight streamed into my present room too but those dark corners remained. My alarm rang now too but I was already up, watching the pale sky don gradations of orange hue before welcoming the sun.

The room in Leo's apartment wasn't mine but it felt like I belonged there.

This room was mine, but I felt like a stranger.

A week had passed since I arrived home. A week since my home felt like an unknown territory and its people; strangers.

Every bone, every nerve in my body was detoxing Leo but his hold remained strong. The love I had for him was smeared into the deepest of ravines of my heart. Love, it seemed, was a virus that fought back when I meddled with it while trying to forget about Leo.

One whole week yet, I sat brooding. Hogging onto my comforter like a shield, I was hesitant to fight back.

"Babes... Where are you?" Kiera's voice from the lower floors of the mansion had me worried. It was barely six in the morning and the sloth that she was tended to sleep till mid-morning.

Acting against my bodily command, I tossed away the covers and hopped off the bed. Thumping steps ascended. By the time a knock emerged through my door, I had brushed my teeth and detangled my hair, trying to hide the useless pile of mass and bones I had morphed into.

"Glad to see you're up," Kiera said, panting. "I came from a jog. It's so exhilarating, Zem. Jake forced me to but I'm glad he did."

Glistening with sweat, Kiera represented half the Miami population at this time of the day. She tossed her drenched towel over her left shoulder and gulped generous sips of Gatorade from her sipper.

I was jealous of her. I wanted her energy and enthusiasm. I wanted to be active - thumping and thriving like her - rather than be a tired, battered body that only consumed fattening food and slept throughout the day.

"Wanna join me from tomorrow?" She asked, smiling at me. "You need to get some sunlight, Zemmy."

As tempting as her offer was, I waved my hand and fell into the comfort of my bed, resting my back over the headboard. Though I wanted to escape from what I had become, I detested taking any effort. I wanted to move on but found myself compromising to live in the past.

My yearning to meet Leo emerged every morning. By noon, I fell into a hopeless pit of self-destructive thoughts, willing to beg for him to take me back. What followed were tearful nights, regret-filled mourning for loving him. 

The loop occurred daily without fail.

My will and strength were tied to an invisible twig that only wanted me to do one thing. Sleep.

"Girl, get out of bed. I'm getting major depressing vibes from you right now," Kiera said, standing up from the chair and lending her hand for support. "Come on... Let's go downstairs."

I knew I was sucking the positivity out of the room, turning it into an ominous ball that bounced around. Dark thoughts clouded the sunlight of happiness in my room and me.

But did I care? No.

All I wanted was to stay in my bed and sleep. Sleep was an alter ego, I was surrendering to. A new acquaintance, I started seeking comfort.

"This is too much now. You're not even looking at me." Kiera clapped her hands with a newfound enthusiasm. She rolled up the blinds and secured them in place, filling the room with warmth from the morning light and the view of the jogger's track. "Get the fuck up and walk around."