Chapter Twenty-Three

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(Caleb's Point of View)

When I get home from Charli's one night I find Colin sitting on my couch, still wearing a face that isn't his.

"Kind of late," I say as I take off my shoes. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Colin waits until I sit down next to him before he speaks. "We need to talk."

His face is grave and my first thought is that something awful has happened to someone in our family. Grandma's passed away or dad's been in an accident.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, playing with my fingers.

"I'm not really sure." Colin sighs. "The past three weeks when I've checked your location you've been in the same place." He pulls out his phone, showing me a screenshot of my location. "You've been here every time."

"It's just a bar I like to go to sometimes," I lie.

A hurt look flashes across his face. "Are we lying to each other now?" He sounds sad but angry too. "I know it's an apartment building. I have Google too."

I open my mouth but no words come out. I've never really lied to his face before, I don't like the feeling of it. My stomach starts to churn.

"Who lives there?" Colin asks, still holding his phone with the picture on it.

I sigh and start bouncing my leg up and down rapidly. I should just tell him. He's my best friend. I should've told him a long time ago. But I know he's going to tell me what I already know, that I need to stop seeing Charli.

"Just this girl I've been seeing," I answer quietly.

"Just a girl you've been, what?" He repeats incredulously. "Why are you seeing someone while you're on the Shirashio? Do you know how dangerous that is?"

"I know." I cringe. "I just really like her."

"What if she finds out you're using the potion? We could get in a lot of trouble Caleb."

"I know," I say dully.

"You can't tell her the truth for the same reason, we could get in trouble."

"I know," I repeat, annoyed.

"She could go to the cops, Caleb."

"I know," I shout. "I know that okay? I just like her in a way I've never liked anyone." I swallow as realization washes over me. "I love her."

Colin looks at me, pity in his eyes. "I don't know what to tell you. You have to stop seeing her."

I put my head in my hands and take a few deep breaths. "I can't. I can't stop seeing her."

"Then I'll make the decision for you," he says quietly. "I'm not buying anymore Shirashio. We're both quitting cold turkey."

"No." I feel my heart sink. "Colin, please."

"It's for your own good," he says, standing up. "It'll be hard at first but we can get through it together." He heads for the door but stops just short and looks back at me. "I love you."

I stay silent, shaking from the red hot rage building inside of me. He sighs then turns and walks out, leaving me alone.

No more Charli. No more joking at the bar or having long personal talks in bed. No more touching her, hugging her, kissing her. No more Charli.

I feel as though Colin ripped out my heart with his bare hand and stomped on it. I've never been so infuriated with my brother. What gives him the right to make this decision for me?

I toss and turn all night, by the time the sun rises I still haven't slept. I go to Colin's around noon and beg him to reconsider. He says no, so I go back the next day, and the day after that. Every time he refuses. He won't even let me say goodbye.

When I finally tell Charli I can't see her in person anymore she's understandably pissed off and confused. The longer I text her the worse I feel.

Charli: For how long? When can we see each other again?

Me: Not in the foreseeable future

Charli: So what?? I'm just never going to see you again?

Me: I'm not sure

Charli: If you don't want to see me anymore you could at least say it to my face like a man

Me: I swear to god that's not it. I like you so much you have no idea. It's something out of my control. I'm trying to fix it I promise

She never replies.

I spend the next few days and nights in bed. I only get up for the necessities. I don't even turn on the TV or play video games. I just stare at the wall or ceiling and wallow in the mess I made. I can blame Colin all I want but deep down I know this is my doing. I put myself in this situation.

My mom texts me, then calls me, a few times when I miss family game night. I only respond to tell her I'm okay but not feeling well so she doesn't come barging over here.

All I can think about is Charli and all I can feel is the tightness in my chest and churning of my stomach. I don't feel bad for myself, I mostly feel bad for Charli. She didn't ask for any of this. I got involved with her knowing this could happen. I'm such an asshole.

I make myself sick. 

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