xliii

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Jungkook sat there for minutes on minutes with his parents who sat beside him. Jia had to go back to the car since Jungwon was left alone although their mother was supposed to watch him. The vehicle wasn't far though so it wasn't a problem when Jangmi came running to see Jungkook. "You don't have to talk Jungkook, just listen." Jangmi looked at Jungkook who kept his eyes on the sidewalk. Not bothering to look or move. "The day you came out... we..." Jangmi stopped herself and breathed out. She knew what they did was wrong. "We should have never pushed you away like that." In all honesty, Jangmi didn't know what to say.

"You're my son Jungkook. I birthed and raised you. I don't know why when you came out that all changed. I... I didn't stop-" Jangmi stopped when Joochan spoke up. "This isn't your mother's fault. The moment you came out, we both took it hard but it was my decision to send you to that camp... and it was my decision to not go looking for you. Your mother wanted to go look for you, she really did but I refused. I can't take back what I did, and what I said but... I know I did wrong." Joochan looked at Jungkook who still had the same blank expression.

"Then why'd you do it," Jungkook spoke with a low emotionless tone. The question made the two quiet. "At the time... I thought I was helping you-" Joochan started and this time Jungkook shook his head with a light breathy chuckle. "Helping me? If anything you broke me. You broke me into a million pieces and to this day I'm still trying to piece myself back together." Jungkook looked at his father. "Three years ago you punched me not once but twice. You told me to never step foot in your house. You told me that I should be dead! And now you're here? Feeling bad? After all these years?!"

Jungkook stood up to look at the two. "This is both your fault! If mom truly wanted to find me she would have! But no one did! I had to come back myself and if Jia wasn't born then you would have never seen me again! And I mean that! You see how fucked that is?! You're my parents but standing here looking at you both?! All I see are two people who shipped me away the moment I came out. Now that you hear I was supposedly dying you care?! Where was all this three years ago! Nowhere!" Jungkook cried while looking at his parents.

"You two are the reason I'm so fucked up." Jungkook admitted. "I just... I wanted you guys to love me! To look at me like how you used to but to you guys I was nothing but a bother! I hurt myself so much trying to make you guys happy and that didn't work. Nothing worked! Nothing made you happy! The day I came home you two looked at me with nothing but disgust! You can't just hate me all these years then suddenly pop up with all the love in the world! I won-won't fall for that. I gave up on trying to win you guys over years ago just as you did!"

Joochan stood up and shook his head. "We never stopped loving you Jungkook! If anything we loved you so much more than you think." Joochan tried to convince Jungkook who pushed Joochan away. "Then why didn't I feel loved?! Why did you kick me out a second time?! Why did you tell me I'd be better off in this world?! Why put me through all that bullshit?! Why?! Tell me why?!?!" Jungkook asked desperately but nothing came from Joochan or Jangmi.

Yet Jungkook waited for something... anything! to come from the two sitting in front of him. "I'm sorry Jungkook. I can't take back all those years but all I can say is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a screwed-up dad and I'm sorry I didn't realize this sooner-" Joochan stopped himself since he didn't know what else more to say which only hurt Jungkook more. "Jungkook!" Seokjin came running towards him which made Jungkook wipe his tears. "Taehyung's up, he's asking for you." Seokjin informed Jungkook before looking at the two older people on the bench.

Sniffling, Jungkook looked at his father. For a moment he wanted to forgive them but for what? The bare minimum of apologizing? The apology wasn't even that great considering what they put him through. "... I don't want... or need your apology. Three years ago... I considered you both dead so just go about how you felt about me before this. Should be easy for you." Jungkook sniffled and walked off with Seokjin following behind. Though once Jungkook got into the hospital, he started running to the room Taehyung was in.

With Taeho in the hallway doing paperwork, Jungkook stopped but he wasn't standing there long as Taeho motioned Jungkook to go in so he did. The moment he saw Taehyung, he felt his heart warm up but then it broke into pieces again. "... Jungkook? Are you okay?" Taehyung asked, tilting his head a bit as Jungkook shook his head. "... No" He breathed out, trying to hold back his tears. Looking at Jungkook, Taehyung frowned as he bit his lip and managed to move aside to make some room on his bed.

Seeing that, Jungkook walked over to the bed and let the tears flow as he got into bed with Taehyung. "Shhh, it's okay Jungkook." Now it was Taehyung's turn to comfort Jungkook who was a mess. Jungkook was a mess right now and he didn't know what to do about it. "You g-got shot Ta-Taehyung, how is th-that okay?!" Jungkook asked with a broken voice. "I'm still alive aren't I?" Taehyung gulped, wrapping his arm that was not injured around Jungkook.

Then before anything else was said, Jungkook cried into Taehyung's gown. Now Taehyung wasn't sure why Jungkook suddenly burst into tears but he let the boy cry it out as he held him with his one arm. Luckily the drugs he was on made him not feel the pain of him moving around but he knew once it wore off it would hurt like a bitch. "Eve-Everything is s-so fucked up Taeh-Taehyung." Jungkook mumbled into Taehyung's gown. "... I know." Taehyung responded.

Never in his life had he seen or heard Jungkook cry so hard. Sure he saw Jungkook tear up but not full on cry like he was doing right now. This cry Jungkook was emitting hurt Taehyung though because it was just? heartbreaking to hear Jungkook cry like this. Though it was comforting knowing Jungkook was comfortable crying to him. "You-You're the one who got sho-shot and I'm cry-crying to you like a ba-baby." Jungkook groaned but his voice was shaky.

Taehyung managed to laugh a bit while wiping Jungkook's tears. "Why'd you push me off the way?" Jungkook suddenly asked which made Taehyung think back to the moment he saw Sungjae with the gun. "... To save you." Taehyung responded with a dry voice. "If I didn't see the gun right away, he would have shot you but I saw the gun... and I... I don't know. It was an instict." Taehyung admitted to Jungkook who furrowed his eyebrows. "You... pushed me off the way and took the bullet? Taehyung-" Jungkook started but Taehyung shook his head.

"It was either you or me Jungkook. You expect me to save myself? In any situation, I'll always choose to save you. Even if it meant getting shot." Taehyung winced from the memory. "You could have died." Jungkook told Taehyung who brushed it off like it was nothing. "You could have died too if I didn't push you." He looked at Jungkook who shook his head slowly. "... But what if... I wanted that?" Jungkook asked Taehyung who looked shocked at Jungkook's words.

"... I can't do this anymore Taehyung. I've been strong for too damn long and the moment I realized what happened to you? I damn near lost myself. I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel so lost, so... out of place. It shouldn't be you in this position, it should have been me. I should have been the one on this hospital bed, not you- I just... It should have been me." Jungkook sat up to look at Taehyung. "Bad things happen around me all the time Taehyung."

"If I didn't meet you three years ago... you would have had a good life. You could have-..." Jungkook stopped himself but shrugged. "You could have had more than what you have now. But because I showed up... I complicated things and no matter where I go, bad luck follows me no matter the situation and I just... I can't get a grip on my life anymore. If I didn't show up... this would have never happened." Jungkook breathed out shakily while trying to keep his smile. It was all true. Jungkook didn't feel like he belonged anymore and trying to find a reason to stay was easy but... he didn't want to stay. That was the problem. He's been fighting for so long... all by himself. It just got too tiring to keep going.

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