Dysphoria

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I'm writing this because I'm constantly misgendered in my house and I've been getting really dysphoric lately :( 

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Warnings: Trans!Benji, misgendering, deadnaming, transphobia

*Benji's pov*

I hate my body

I hate that I have hips

I hate that I have a smaller waist

I hate that I have boobs

I hate that I have such feminine muscles

I took my binder off for the night when I saw Victor open my bedroom door. I wrapped my arms around myself in surprise "victor!"  I said turning around and grabbing one of my sports bras "oh, I'm so sorry, Benji" he said covering his eyes and turning around

I quickly put the bra on "okay, I'm done" I sighed "what's wrong, Benji?" He asked "I don't know Victor" I said putting my shirt back on "talk to me. What's going on" he said sitting down with me "I hate the way my body looks, victor, I look like a girl" I sobbed as I hugged him.

"Benji, no, you don't look like a girl, you're a very handsome young man" he tucked my hair behind my ears. "I brought you a care package" he said picking the box up from off the floor "it has some of your favorite soaps and lotions. I know brownies are lowkey your comfort food so there are a few in there for you. There's also a card talking about how much I love you and how much I support you and your transition" I smiled and broke down into tears once again

"Hey...Why are you crying?" He asked wiping the tears from my face "because..you're just so amazing. I don't know what I'd do without you Victor. You always know how to just..make me feel so much better" he placed a kiss on my lips "I love you so much, Benji. And I really hate the fact that you have to go through this. I promise you, one day,  you will get top surgery just like you've always wanted" he held my hands gently and I nodded "thank you, Victor" I said "of course, baby. Now, you called me over here to come and cuddle so let's go" I smiled and leaned back on my bed.

I lay on my side and placed a pillow in front of me as Victor wrapped his arms around me and the pillow

The reason the pillow was always there is because I get really Dysphoric about my chest and whenever Victor touches it..it brings me back to the fact that I was born biologically female and I hate that thought so much. So I always have that pillow so Victor can just wrap his arms around me and place them wherever he pleases.

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