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Pamaca McCartney

(Author's note: What the headhunters say are not an actual language as far as I know. I made up what they said as I wrote it.)

Paul and George were tied back to back with a palm tree trunk in between them. "Help." George whimpered.

"Huna lulu capawi!" One of the headhunters shouted.

"What does that mean?" George asked.

"How the heck am I s'posed to know?"

A larger headhunter walked in. He looked at Paul questioningly. He waved his hand forward, motioning for two more headhunters to come over. They had the Professor and Mary Ann in their grip and tied the two struggling castaways to the tree as they did with Paul and George. The largest headhunter looked at Paul questioningly again.

"Aca gomi! Maui Pamaca!" He shouted, pointing at Paul.

"They're gonna kill me first!"

"No, no. They're not going to kill you." The Professor explained.

"They aren't?"

"No. They think you're one of their headhunter gods."

"HEADHUNTER GODS!?!"

"Panawi Pamaca?" The skinniest one asked.

"Maui Pamaca! Maui Pamaca! Honama ton!" The largest one yelled.

"They're going to release you!"

Two of the headhunters walked towards Paul and untied him.

"Pamaca!" They all said over and over, bowing to him.

"Uh..."

"You can release us!"

"How?"

"Tell them, 'Pulu Se Bagumba.' but hit the words hard as if you're angry."

"Me Pamaca! Pulu Se-! Pulu Se-"

"Bagumba."

"Pulu Se Bagumba!"

They looked at him suspiciously.

"If you Pamaca, why you not speak real Kupaki?" One of them asked.

"Uh..."

"Manosi wam." The other said.

"Manosi?" The Professor wondered.

A large woman walked towards Paul.

"Manosi, mac so." The large one introduced.

"Manosi is his daughter, and she's engaged. To Pamaca!" The Professor realized.

"Oh, God. I can't marry her! Jane'd kill me!"

"You have to! It's Kupaki tradition!"

"To heck with tradition!" Paul untied the other three and ran.

The headhunters began yelling that would rather not be listed. One grabbed a blow dart gun and (prepare to rage at the headhunters) shot George in the neck. (I'll give you guys time if you need a minute or two soak that in. I'm mad at them while writing this.) George collapsed against a palm tree.

"George!" Mary Ann screamed. The Professor inspected the dart.

"Don't worry! It's not tipped with poison! He'll survive!"

"Oh, are you sure, Professor?" Mary Ann hugged George.

"Tell Pattie I love her." He whispered.

"George. George, you'll be fine." Paul told the young guitarist.

"Really?"

"Well, the dart wasn't poisonous."

"So I'll live?"

"Of  course,  George."

"Then can I have something to eat?"