Scared Of Healing

Outbreak

Luke and Baker disperse from behind me to go do other things as I walk out of Ellie's room. I am immediately met with a sympathetic looking Maggie. "What's going on?" I ask, really confused, "the labs need a nasal swab" she answers sadly, holding up the swab. "No Mags, I can't do that to her" I say, bringing my hand up to my face, "there's been an outbreak of a minor virus and we don't know if she is more susceptible to it, you have to check" my charge nurse explains, hitting the swab to my chest, telling me to take it. I groan as I take it from her and get Luke to come back with me.

We walk into the room together and Ellie sees what I'm holding and immediately starts freaking out, "hey, hey, calm down sunshine, deep breaths, we can take our time" I say comfortingly, quickly placing the swab on the bench and moving closer to Ellie to calm her. She shakes her head and I see tears begin to slip down her cheeks. This is literally the first time I have seen her cry and I feel so bad that I have made her feel this way. "It's ok Ellie, we go at your pace with this, we can take our time" I reassure her and her crying turns to sniffles. 

"When your ready, tilt your head back for me sunshine" I say kindly. Ellie just looks at me as more tears slowly but silently fall down her cheeks. "Why don't you hold my hands angel?" Luke suggests, moving to sit closer to her. Ellie hesitantly takes Luke's hands, looking petrified. I slowly make my way over to the bench and grab the swab, keeping it out of sight as Luke tries to keep her distracted. "Alright my angel, can you tilt your head back for us?" Luke asks carefully, noticing that I am ready. Ellie quickly pulls her hands out of Luke's supportive hold and she starts pulling the covers over herself, seemingly trying anything she can to avoid this. "Relax sweetie, you're going to be ok, I'll be really quick" I try to reassure.

Suddenly, her heart rate monitor lets out a deafening alarm leading both Luke and I to look to it. My heart drops for a second when I see it flatline. I quickly look back to the bed to see that Ellie has disappeared. She has carefully removed her monitors and expertly disconnected her IV, not doing any damage to the cannula so it is still in tact in her hand, wherever she is. Luke and I both jump into action and bolt out of the room, knowing that every time Ellie moves, she is at risk of fainting or worse. We search all the usual places that kids go to hide in the emergency department: under the nurses station, in the waiting room, in storage areas, but I know where she's gone. I'm almost positive that she has locked herself in the bathroom and I know that Maggie is our best option. "Hey Luke, can you just go wait at the bathroom to see if she comes out? I'm gonna grab Mags" I say to him. He nods and immediately makes his way to the bathroom as I dramatically drag myself over to the nurses station, plastering on a stupid smile, knowing I need to look innocent for Maggie to agree to help us. 

Maggie has obviously seen us frantically searching around the ED, "how do you let a patient just disappear?" she asks, smiling smugly. "She was smart" I smirk, "and you need me because..." Mags says, waiting for me to tell her what I need her to do. "We're pretty sure she's locked herself in the bathroom" I answer. Maggie rolls her eyes and smiles as she walks over to a drawer and pulls out her master key with a dramatic flourish, "and as usual, Maggie saves the day" she says, brushing past me dramatically and walking to the bathroom. I see Baker walking around aimlessly, "Baker... go grab a wheelchair and meet us at the bathroom" I order, knowing that Ellie is going to be weak and getting her to walk back to her bed is completely out of the question.

We wait outside the bathroom for about 10 minutes before Maggie manages to drag our patient out of the bathroom. There are still tears streaming down her cheeks and I just can't work out how this has gone so pear shaped. We bring Ellie back to her bed and reconnect her to all the monitors and her IV and she starts trying to stifle her sobs. "Hey, hey, honey. I need you to take some nice deep breaths, try to calm down for us, alright" Maggie says carefully, taking Ellie's hands as I replace the nasal cannula under her nose. Ellie shakes her head and pulls her hands out of Maggie's, quickly covering her nose with her hands. "Sweetie, you've been doing so well... what changed?" I ask, not expecting a response. "Scared" she whimpers, making us all look to her sorrowfully, "what has made you so scared?" I ask carefully. She just shakes her head... she's done talking.