Scared Of Healing

What Now?

I really want to get Ellie into school. She's missed so much and I know she's anxious about how she's going to catch up with everything and find herself a supportive community. It's hard for anyone to change schools but considering what Ellie's been through, on top of her social anxiety, it's not gonna be something easy for her to do. I'm also gonna need the all clear from Ash to make sure it's even going to be safe for her to be walking around all day, so that's what we're gonna do today. Ash has an appointment open for Ellie in about an hour, so I'm gonna go let her know.

I walk up the stairs and to Ellie's room where I see her sitting, doing something on her laptop. I skip over and jump on her bed next to her and she smiles. She sinks into her pillows and rests her head on me tiredly, "hey Mikey" she says quietly. I smile, "hey sunshine!" I reply, looking to her laptop to try to figure out what she's been doing. She looks to me, "what you lookin' at?" she asks. I chuckle, "just curious what you're doing" I say. She laughs, "I had some of my friends from my old school send me their assessment notifications and I wanted to see if I could do them. A few of my teachers said they would mark them if I sent them through" she says. I can't help but let the proud smile take over my face, "you're incredible sweetheart, there's no way I would have been bothered to do that if I was in your position" I say. Ellie chuckles, "I just don't wanna fall behind" she says. I nod, "yeah, I'm looking at getting you into a school soon, we've just gotta get the all clear from Ash" I say. Ellie nods, "when are we doing that?" she asks quietly, seeming to get a bit nervous. I take her hand comfortingly, "that's what I came up here to talk to you about sunshine. Ash's set up an appointment for you in about an hour" I say. Ellie looks to me but doesn't say a word. I send her a sympathetic look, stroking her arm, "you've got nothing to worry about Elle, it's just Ash. We've just gotta make sure you and the baby are healthy" I say. Ellie nods, looking down and still not saying a word. I place a gentle kiss on the top of her head, "come on sweetie, let's get you some brekkie and we can have a chat about what's making you so nervous" I say. Ellie nods, shutting her laptop and rolling out of bed. I chuckle and hop off the bed, throwing my arm over her shoulders and guiding her down the stairs.

We walk into the kitchen and I chuck three pieces of toast in the toaster for our breakfast. "Come sit baby" I say, gesturing to the stool at the counter. Ellie smiles weakly and drags herself over to the counter and onto the stool. I grab a couple of plates and place them on the counter before I turn around and grab Ellie's medicine box. I grab her breakfast pills and place them on her plate. "Want a cuppa?" I ask, "I can make it" she says softly, going to get off the stool. I shake my head and grab her hand, "stay sweetie. I know you can do it, but I want to do it" I say, knowing she hates when people do things for her that she could be doing for herself. She groans, "but you're doing everything for me" she complains. I nod, "you deserve a break Elle. At least just let me make your breakfast" I say. "Fine" she says, and I smile. I put the kettle on and grab a mug and a tea bag. Ellie starts poking at her tablets and I chuckle, "what are you doing?" I ask. She shrugs, "gotta do something with my hands... you won't let me make my breakfast so may as well play with my meds" she says. I laugh, "fair enough" I say. The pile of tablets is spread across the plate by the time the toast has popped. I place two pieces on my plate as Ellie scoops up the tablets and puts them back in a pile in one part of the plate to make room for her toast. I grab the butter and vegemite, getting a knife for each and Ellie smiles, immediately spreading the butter over her toast. She grabs the other knife and spreads a bit of vegemite on the toast as I turn to pour the water into the mug to make the tea. "Can you put the butter on my toast please sunshine, I want it to melt a bit" I say. Ellie smiles, "sure" she says happily. I know I need to keep giving her little jobs so she feels like she's helping.

Once I've made the tea and Ellie has put butter and vegemite on our toast, I go to sit next to her at the counter. She takes the tea gratefully before grabbing a handful of pills and putting them in her mouth, washing them down with her tea. She does this again to take all of her tablets before she starts nibbling at her toast. I smile at her as I take a bite of my toast, "how are you feeling today sunshine?" I ask. Ellie shrugs, "I'm alright" she says. I chuckle "that wasn't the impression I got earlier" I say. She nods, "I dunno... last time I saw Ash as a doctor..." she looks down before. continuing, "... it wasn't nice" she whispers. I sigh and nod, "I know sunshine. I know that wasn't nice. Today's going to be different though" I say and Ellie just shrugs, looking to her plate and taking another tiny bite of her toast. I give her arm a rub and decide she would rather not talk about it at the moment.