Scared Of Healing

Priority #2

I know that the next thing on my priority list is to figure out what has actually happened with her parents and that the best way to do that is get a psychologist in to get her talking comfortably. I am very interested in what happened with her parents because her file says that they are well and truly alive, although I can't see her lying about the fact that they have passed. There has to be a reasonable explanation. I have booked Dr Tomlinson to come up in half an hour to see if we can get some more answers, but I am going to go tell her about it now to make sure she is ok. I walk into her room, sitting on my stool and playfully rolling over to Ellie on her bed, "how are you doing today sunshine?" I ask. "I'm alright, how are you?" she replies, I smile at her, "I'm pretty good thanks, there's something I wanted to talk to you about, is that alright" I say. I see brief confusion wash over her face before she gathers herself, "yeah" she answers and I smile.

"Sweetheart, I want to get one of my friends in to have a little chat with you, would that be ok?" I ask carefully. "What about?" she asks and I sigh, "Sydney Children's Hospital found your file and some of the things on there aren't adding up with what you've told us" I try to say gently. Ellie stares at me for a second, "... what do you think I'm lying about?" she asks, a hint of anger evident through her tone. "No sunshine, I'm not saying that you've been lying about anything, I'm just saying that, from the information we have, it has been three months since your last appointment and a lot can change in three months" I say, trying to calm her so she might be willing to talk.

My patient looks to me, "what does this friend want to do?" she asks, somewhat cheekily. I have to admit, I am glad she is getting more comfortable with me. I smile, "just talk" I say, "a psych?" she asks, and I nod. "You have to stay with me" she says, looking away. My eyebrows furrow, "I can stay if you want sunshine, but this is something you are allowed to do alone" I say, not sure what to do. She shakes her head, "I need you to stay" she whispers, still looking to her lap. "I'll stay sweetheart" I say softly.

It doesn't take long until Dr Tomlinson is knocking on the door. I stand from my stool and go to open the door, letting him in. He smiles to me before looking at Ellie, "hey love, I'm Louis, you must be Ellie" he says. Ellie nods as he walks into the room. He takes a seat on the couch and rests his notebook on his lap, "I have a few questions for you today, is that alright?" he asks, repositioning to get comfortable. Ellie nods and mumbles a little "yeah," looking down at her lap. I move to take a seat on the end of her bed, sensing that she needs some comfort. "Ok love, my first question, have you ever seen a psychologist?" he asks. Ellie looks to him, before giving a nod, he nods back, "ok, and did you ever receive any diagnoses?" he questions. Ellie looks back to her lap and takes a deep breath as she nods, "would you mind telling me about them?" Louis asks carefully. Ellie closes her eyes and lets a slow breath out through her lips, "uh... yeah, so basically, I have anxiety, depression, panic disorder, PTSD and OCD" she says quietly. I know in these types of situations, we can't show negative emotions towards statements like these but internally, my heart breaks for her, even one of these disorders can be absolutely debilitating, having a pile of psychological disorders like this is just a recipe for disaster.

"Were you ever told the severity of any of these or what types of anxiety you have?" Louis queries. Ellie nods again, "I have severe depression, generalised and social anxiety, plus agoraphobia. My panic and OCD are both moderate and the PTSD is mild" Louis nods as he scribbles on his pad. "Alright, and what kind of treatment were you getting for this?" Louis enquires. "CBT, EMDR and SSRI's" Ellie mumbles quickly, not enjoying the conversation, Louis notices, "thanks love, what about we have a change of topic" he suggests. Ellie nods and Louis moves on, "how about we make a family tree, who lives with you" he says. Ellie looks up, "just me" she murmurs, "and where are your carers?" Louis asks calmly, not yet asking for much of an explanation. "They died a few months ago" Ellie whispers, "I'm so sorry to hear that love, can I ask what happened to them?" he questions. Ellie stays silent, reaching a hand out for me. I shuffle closer to her, taking her hand and rubbing her back, "you're ok sunshine, take your time" I say softly as she shakes her head, letting tears form in her eyes.