Scared Of Healing

This Isn't Going To Go Well

She just shakes her head. That's all she can do. She doesn't know what to do. I see the fear consuming her as she thinks about what is going to happen and she looks desperately between Ash and I. "I'm sorry sweet girl, but we really need to check. Especially since you're 16" Ash says sympathetically. This prompts a few tears to slowly roll down her cheeks as she continues shaking her head. "It'll be alright sunshine. We're gonna go somewhere a little more private and it can be just you and Ash, or you can ask any one of us to come in with you, alright... even if you just want one of the nurses with you" I say. "No" she mumbles and I sigh, "sorry darl, but we have to" I reply.

Eventually, we get Ellie into a proper treatment room - not easily, mind you - and she stands at the door, crying as Ash begins to quietly set up while I try to comfort her. "It's going to be ok Ellie, I promise..." I begin, sympathetically, "Elle, no one is here to hurt you, all we want to do is help you" I continue.

"Alright sweet girl, I'm going to get you to hop up here for me" Ash says, patting the exam table in the room. I carefully help my patient onto the table and she does not let go of my hand for a second. Ash then puts a pillow on the end of the bed, "can I get you to lay back for me sweet girl?" he asks carefully, but Ellie is not about to do that willingly. Ash sighs, seeing Ellie's lack of movement, "lay down for me sweetie" he tries again, moving to hold her shoulder gently. She just looks to him fearfully and shakes her head again, "relax for me Ellie, you can trust me" he says calmly as he starts gently pushing her backwards. She whimpers at this and looks to me for help as her grip on my hand tightens, "it's alright sunshine, take some nice deep breaths for us" I encourage.

Ash eventually gets Ellie to lay down. He then sits on his stool and rolls himself to the end of the bed. "Ok darling, what I need from you now is to put your knees together in the air for me..." he says, helping her position her legs, "...and let them flop open for me sweet girl" he says calmly and Ellie hesitantly complies. Ash then starts sliding on a pair of gloves, increasing Ellie's anxiety as she whimpers, "Ellie sweetheart, can you look at the roof for me, and count how many different colours you can see?" Ash asks, trying to distract his patient as he gets ready for the procedure. Ellie looks to the roof and sees a colour blocked mural on it.

"Deep breaths sweet girl" Ash says smoothly as he begins the pelvic exam. Ellie squeals in discomfort and tries to squirm away, "no, no, you're alright sunshine. Stay nice and still for us" I say, gently pushing her shoulders down as Ash holds one of her legs with his free hand. Ellie cries out, "please stop" she whimpers and I see Ash's expression turn extremely sad. "I'm so sorry honey, I'm almost done lovely. Just stay still for a little bit longer for me... good girl" he says. I know he is not used to working with patients so young and it is obvious that he is really upset that he has to do this.

Ash quickly finishes his exam and rips off his gloves, rolling away to throw them in the bin as he speaks, "ok sweet girl, you did really well. I'm all done, we'll get you back to your bed now alright" he says, leading Ellie to nod, sitting up immediately. She jumps off the bed, immediately feeling dizzy and leaning on me for support. As we wait for Ellie's dizziness to pass, I look to Ash for some kind of result. He looks to me sadly and sends me a melancholy nod signifying that there is evident trauma, indicating rape. I sigh, trying to hide my upset before Ellie gathers herself and is ready to leave this room.

I support Ellie while we walk across the ED back to her bed, where Baker is waiting, looking bored. I help my patient back into bed where she quickly sinks into it and buries herself in the blankets, making herself feel safe. "Have a little rest sweetie, I'm gonna leave Josh here to keep an eye on you, let him know if you need me" I say, looking to Baker, making sure he is paying attention. Ellie nods to me in understanding and I wait for Baker to do the same before I leave.