Scared Of Healing

Opening Up

It's midday and Cal and I are getting ready to go back to the hospital. The others have a few hours before their shift starts. We hop in the car and I start driving us to work. "Is this girl gonna be ok?" Cal asks me, breaking the silence as we drive. "I really hope so" I sigh, "we get more results today though so we will know more then" I continue before I park the car in the staff parking. We hop in the lift and I press the button for level 3 while Cal pushes the button for 7. We have a short-lived conversation whilst in the lift before I get out, immediately making my way to the adolescent department. "Uh, which bed is Ellie in?" I ask one of the two nurses sitting at the nurses' station. I don't know why there are so few nurses there, but it doesn't seem important. "Ellie that came in yesterday?" the nurse asks, "that's the one" I reply, "I don't think she's up for visitors" he says, looking to bed 4 which I see is incredibly full of nurses. Everyone seems to be panicking. I curse under my breath before making my way into the room. 

I see Ellie crying fearfully as she is being held down by several nurses who are telling her how well she is doing and that she's ok. Another couple of nurses are gently holding her head still while another tries to insert an nasogastric tube. "Ok, ok, everybody stop..." I announce, leading everyone to freeze, including Ellie as she looks to me desperately. "I appreciate everyone trying to do their jobs, but I think we can all see that Ellie here is very against this. We are all going to take a step back and give her some time to calm down, ok" I say and everyone takes a step away from the bed. Ellie immediately hides herself under her covers and I direct the nurses out of the room. "Ellie honey, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm leaving you in here by yourself for a bit, press the call button if you need something" I say before following the nurses out the door.

I sigh and look to the nurses, "thanks guys, Ellie is just struggling with a lot at the moment and we still aren't sure what she is and isn't comfortable with yet. I don't know who ordered the NG but it was the wrong move. It's gotta happen at some point, but we've gotta take it slow. She seems to have a massive apprehension around us even looking in her nose and she has refused to eat since she has been here. I will get you to help me with this when the time is right, but you need to know the background, so everyone should go back to their other patients and I'm going to try to get a bit more out of Ellie" I say. Everyone nods in understanding before leaving to tend to their other duties.

I walk back into the room to see Ellie still hidden under her covers. "It's just me now sunshine" I say quietly, allowing her to come out on her own time. Eventually, she removes the covers from over her head, keeping her body firmly hidden. "Can I get the oxygen back on you sweetie?" I ask, seeing that they took it off to try to insert the NG tube. Ellie gives me a small nod and I lean over to get the nasal cannula. She takes it from me and hooks the tubes around her ears as she inserts it. "I'm so sorry about that darling, I'll put a note in your chart to make sure it doesn't happen again" I say to her and she gives me a thankful nod. "Crystal will be back in a few hours sweetie and she will take really good care of you" I reassure, leading to another nod.

We sit in comfortable silence for a while until Ellie pipes up, "I don't want a feeding tube" she whispers. I look to her sadly, "I'm sorry sunshine, but you're very underweight and we can't get you to eat anything" I say sadly, "I'll eat fruit" she mumbles. "Yeah?" I ask happily, "yeah" she mumbles. "Alright sunshine, I'll get some fruit for you" I say to her happily. She nods, but I need to know, "why only fruit sweetheart?" I ask, cautious that she might shut down. "Pancreas doesn't work" she whispers. I take a second to consider the information I have just been given, panicking when I realise what this could mean, "are you a diabetic Ellie?" I ask. She nods and holds her hand up, wavering it as if to say kinda. I don't know what to make of that so I give her a sideways look. "CFRD" she says quietly. This prompts a full on panic from me... I can't believe this... how have we missed this... it makes so much sense.