My Ex-Bestfriend

School Prep.

True to his word Michael shows up at church on Sunday. He is in business casual but you could still see that his clothes were tailor made to fit his gym ripped body. The unmarried women are  giving him extra attention with lingering looks and hair flips. I am sure he is an answer to many of their prayers.

Walt walks between us as he holds my hand. Walt then reaches up to offer his other hand to Michael which he happily takes. One of the few memories I have of my parents is when I would walk hand in hand between them and they would swing me. I would fly through the air weightless and carefree with the tether of my parents to hold on to. I don't remember ever feeling that safe again.  Up to this point I have never been able to share that sentiment with Walt since we were a duo not a trio. Today though I flash Michael a nod which he acknowledges and on the count of three we hoist Walt through air while we maintain our grip around his hands. Walt grins the biggest grin from ear to ear.

I look at Michael who is staring at Walt with an expression I am all too familiar with,  unconditional love that he has for our son. Then Michael turns his gaze towards me and my heart squeezes because he is giving me the very same look. I won't be fooled this time. I know this look in regards to me is meant for friendship not meant for a lover.

We drop off Walt at the Children's ministry while Michael accompanies me to the service.

"When did you start coming to church?" Michael asks curiously.

"When I had Walt." I shrug.

"Just never pegged you as a church goer."

I cock and eyebrow up in defense causing him to clarify.

" No just that I know you were upset when your mom died and thought you had a grudge is all."

I let out a sigh, " I gave God a second chance I guess you can say. I needed help when I was pregnant with Walt and God delivered. So I am here to stay now."

" Glad to know you believe in second chances." The glimmer in his eyes gave me the feeling that I would be paying for that comment at some point.

The worship music starts and the leader asks us to stand.  I hold on to the pew in front of us. Michael rests his hand on top of mine. I want to pull away but even these small bits of contact make my heart feel whole for however brief they are.

After church Michael insists on lunch and new school clothes shopping for Walt. He has to wear a uniform to his new school and Lord knows I do not have the budget for that. I appreciate that Michael doesn't make me ask for help but that he takes the initiative. He also knows if he asked I would decline for help even though I would need to take it.

Errands took longer than expected with the completion of his extensive school supply list. Its now dinner time and without missing a beat Michael orders pizza to be delivered and devoured at home. There is a carton of Neopolitan ice cream in the fridge that I pull out for dessert.

Michael lets out a low chuckle when he sees it, "Some things never change."

"Oh but they have, " I say playfully.

"Guess who likes Chocolate?" I remark playfully.

Walt perks up from behind the counter, " ME!" He exclaims.

Michael wears a wide smile, "How perfect is that?"

When we are together as a family its like a time vortex that speeds up. Before I know it the day is over in the blink of an eye.

Walt heads up stairs to get ready for his first day leaving us to stand awkwardly in the dining room. It used to never be awkward with us but that was impart because I always knew where I stood with Michael James. I was forever in the friendzone with clear and defined boundaries.  These days I am not so sure. He is Walt's dad, my ex best friend but sometimes it feels like we are skirting the edge of something more.