Chapter 40

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JAEGER

I could hear Izzy's heart pounding in her chest, and mine was pounding in rhythm with hers. 

She affected me in ways I never thought possible. It was as if we were sharing the same breath as the kiss lengthened. Every part of my body felt alive, every touch from Izzy lighting up the dark parts in me, and I'd never wanted more light, of her light, than I did right now.

We parted, both panting as we caught our breaths. It made no sense, the way she made me feel, the way she made me lose all self-control.

I looked at her and she held my gaze for a short while before looking away. She cleared her throat and rubbed the back of her neck, failing to hold eye contact. I didn't take my eyes off of her, though I didn't know what to do with my hands, I kept clenching and unclenching them. We were both silent, unsure of what to say or how to say it, unsure of what would happen from now. Could things even go back to the way they were?

I hoped not.

She took a small step back, which I was grateful for because I was afraid I might have just kissed her again.

Did I want to? It was as if some part of me awakened when I was with Izzy, a part that just wanted her near.

*****

Izzy and I were seated opposite each other. It had taken us all night to reach the next village. Izzy had agreed to stay in the same house this time, rather than separate ones. 

"Okay," Izzy broke the silence, "here's what we're gonna do." She stood and started pacing in front of me, "Nothing. This isn't going to work anyways. A human and a vampire?"

"Not technically a vampire."

"Not technically, but still technically. I mean think of it like this, your kind kills my kind."

"Your kind kills mine too."

"Exactly why it won't work."

"That is the worst analogy, Izzy," I couldn't help my grin. "I'm not just a vampire, and neither am I just human. I kill my kind and our kind, our kind kills my kind, and my kind kills our kind. Since I'm half-human, it's not just your kind."

She blinked at me, trying to make sense of what I'd said. "Well... still. You caught me off guard after all, so it doesn't count."

"I caught you off guard but you pulled me back in."

"I—I was overwhelmed. That was my first kiss."

"Was it? Are kisses always that good?" I asked, wanting to see her flustered.

She bit the bottom of her lip to suppress a smile, she failed and ended up turning around, though I could still see her cheeks rise. "You shouldn't say things like that."

"Why not?"

"Because if you..." she sighed, "I can't trust my self-control anymore, and I can't trust you either."

"Can't trust me?"

"This," Izzy said gesturing between us, "It can't happen again, so promise you won't do anything. Promise."

"Okay," I sighed after enduring her stare for long enough. "I won't do anything without your consent."

"What happened can't happen again," she repeated, "You and I both know that it'll only get in the way."

I did know that. It would complicate things. All I had wanted to do was get to the Zas, developing feelings for Izzy wasn't part of the plan, but now that I had, would I be able to just ignore them?

Izzy probably could, because the difference between her and I was that I'd only ever cared about two people in my lifetime, my mother and her, so I couldn't simply stop caring about her, even if I wanted to.

I didn't have anyone else, but she had a whole village of people. I hadn't felt feelings like this but she probably had, so she must be used to it. I couldn't turn my feelings on and off, but maybe it was different for her. Maybe she—

A distant noise cut through my thoughts. 

Izzy took hold of the hilt of her sword, picking up on the danger from my sudden change in expression. It was a bird, I realised, but not just any bird. It was a Valc.

I remained still in place, waiting for a sound.

"What are you—?"

"Shh," I told her, trying to focus my hearing knowing that wherever there was a Valc, there was a vampire.

I finally heard movement, but it wasn't what I'd expected. The movement wasn't coming toward us, it was moving away. The Valc was flying away. Why wasn't there an attack? 

"Nothing is approaching," I said, trying to understand the reason why myself.

Rather than hearing an answer from Izzy, I heard her breathing behind me instead, which was heavier than usual. I looked back at her and she met my eye with a glare, her lips pinched tight. It was only when she shoved my arm down did I realise why she was so upset. My hand had been outstretched in front of her protectively. I had subconsciously sped and pushed her behind me, shielding her from any danger that may or may not have been lurking.

"What was that?" She demanded, "why did you push me back like I was some child?"

"Sorry?"

"Apologies aren't supposed to sound like a question, Jaeger," she sneered. "And an apology wouldn't cut the fact that you treated me like I didn't know how to protect myself!"

"Oh, no that's not what I was doing. I only did that because I was planning on pushing you forward if danger came, so I could protect myself."

She pinched her lips tighter as if trying to fight back a smile.

"You really think highly of yourself, don't you?" I continued. "Save you? You wish."

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, held back a laugh, and looked at me again.

"Like you said, what happened can't happen again," I continued, "so I was willing to sacrifice you so that it definitely wouldn't happen again."

She snorted this time.

"Cause I can't kiss a dead person," I mused.

She finally broke, the peals of laughter she'd been holding in surfacing out in a loud laugh that sent goosebumps across my skin. I felt a grin spread across my face.

She caught her breath and cleared her throat, trying to feign seriousness, "do it again, and I won't hit your hand away with my hand next time," she warned—with a slight smile that she couldn't get rid of—as she tapped the hilt of her sword.

"You know, one doesn't usually make threats like that with a smile on their face," I informed her.

"This is not a smile, it's a grin. There's a difference."

I realised that Izzy may not be able to forget and let go of what happened between us either. 

But how long would she be able to ignore it?

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