Epiphany

22 ~ The Evans Incident

A/N: Sorry in advance guys...

"So," Sirius began, a mischievous glint in his eye, "You and Evans, eh?"

"Piss off, Black," James shot back. "We're just friends."

"Not according to that card, mate."

James froze, panicking that Sirius had somehow read the poem. The one that very explicitly confirmed his feelings for Lily. But he could still feel it in his pocket, a gentle weight that put his mind at ease. 

"Chemistry doesn't necessarily mean romance," Remus said. James could've kissed him, he was so grateful. "They could just have potential to be good friends, like I've been saying for years."

"Thank you, Moony."

"Unless-" James shoved a laughing Remus away before he could finish his sentence.

"Will you guys stop? Please?" James didn't think he could stand much more teasing. Especially when his own thoughts were so confusing. "I'm with Mary."

That shut them up. Why wouldn't it? James was dating someone already, so it was stupid to think he fancied someone else. Right? He tried to ignore the growing guilt and poured two glasses of punch. One for him, and one for the girl he wasn't supposed to like.

"We still on for...well, you know?" Peter asked, attempting nonchalance. "Or has Evans cured you of your mischievous spirit?" The marauder had been notably upping his game when it came to teasing, lately, and James missed the old Peter: the one who'd apologise after every remark, worrying it was too harsh.

"Yeah, of course," James responded quickly. Any sign of hesitation would spark doubt in his friends: he was supposed to be the leader, after all, despite what Sirius would argue.

"Right," Remus said, apparently not noticing the shift in mood. Perhaps he had simply chosen to ignore it. "Well, we have about half an hour before it starts, so let's enjoy ourselves!" 

Before James could ask whether they could hang out as a group - he didn't particularly want to dance with Lily, not when it could only cause trouble - his friends disappeared. Remus and Sirius took to the dance floor, hand in hand, and Peter scurried off to find his partner. Unless James wanted to wait around the spiked punch, which wasn't a very promising option, he would have to find Lily.

Luckily, the redhead hadn't moved from the entry way and her fiery hair was easy to spot amongst a sea of brunettes and blondes. She stood awkwardly, rubbing her hands along her pale arms, and her olive green eyes scanned the room with the desperation of someone searching for an escape.

Immediately, James felt bad for leaving her. The poor girl seemed miserable.

"Hey," He greeted and Lily looked at him thoughtfully. "I brought drinks."

"You're back," She replied, taking the offered punch, but not before hesitating. "This isn't spiked, is it?"

"Nope, I caught it just in time."

They sipped their drinks in silence, neither one sure of what to say. Once or twice, James opened his mouth to talk, but gave up after his failed search for the right words. He wasn't sure what had given him the confidence to speak with her before, back in the common room, and he didn't quite know where that conversation had been leading, but he wished that confidence would reappear. Even if he blurted out something random, even if they were arguing, at least the awkward silence would disappear.

"How's Mary?" Lily asked, eventually. 

James cursed himself for being so awkward, so hopeless. This was the last thing he wanted to talk to her about.