Parks & Moretti

[24]

Letting out a shrill scream, I shoot upright gasping for air. I just had another nightmare, though this one was more of a memory. James had let his friend have his way with me. All he did was touch me but everytime I dream of this event, my mind takes it further. It haunts me to think of what could of happened, leaving me an utter mess when I finally snap out of my sleep.

My breathes come out ragged as I try to regulate my breathing. Pulling at my hair in distress, I can feel a panic attack approaching. 

Suddenly, my bedroom door flies open revealing all five of my brothers. I don't look at them, I'm too preoccupied trying to calm myself down. 

"Bambina, what happened?" Matteo asks concerned, taking long stride to reach my bedside. 

He reaches to pull me into a hug, but I flinch away. Realizing my action, I look to Matteo seeing a look of hurt wash across his face.

Great, now I feel even worse. 

I made so much progress with him yesterday, I even teased him.

"Was it a nightmare?" Lorenzo asks standing among my other brothers at the foot of my bed.

I frantically nod my head, sobbing even harder. I hug my knees close to my chest and begin rocking myself back and forth. However, my attempts at soothing myself are not working.

My brothers look absolutely clueless on what to do. I don't think they deal with traumatized children often.

Through my peripheral vision, I see Lorenzo switch places with Matteo. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lorenzo softly asks, brushing a stray hair out of my eyes.

Surprisingly, I don't flinch at his touch. But, I still shake my head indicating I don't want to talk.

Lorenzo slowly pulls me into a warm embrace, this time I want to be held. I wrap my arms and legs around him like a koala, holding on for dear life. Lorenzo rocks me bath and forth like a baby while rubbing my back soothingly. 

I don't know how long he holds me for but when I finally pull away, all my other brothers are gone. I have also calmed down, my breathing now even. 

I look Lorenzo in the eyes, and it's like he already knows what I want. I resume my previous position in his arms while he stands up, carrying me to his room. 

I don't want to be alone right now, and Lorenzo offers the kind of comfort only my oldest brother can. 

Entering his room, I can see his computer is still open on his desk. Was he still working this late? Does he ever not work?

"'m sorry... you were busy working." I sniffle out.

Lorenzo sits us down on his bed, situating me so he can look me in the eyes.

"Nonsense." He states looking between my eyes.

"There is nothing more important than you." He says kissing me on my forehead.

I don't think I have ever received such genuine affection from someone, let alone Lorenzo. 

Not really knowing how to react, I shove my face into his shoulder. I feel my cheeks burn from embarrassment. With the previous event catching up to me, I am utterly exhausted. 

Already half asleep in Lorenzo's arms, I barely hear him whisper goodnight. His presence is the only safety I need to drift back to sleep. 

With Parker finally asleep in my arms, I breathe a air of relief. However, it's short lived when I realize my baby sister can't even find peace in her sleep.

She hasn't opened up as much as I was hoping she would. After telling us her injuries were caused by James at the hospital, we concluded he was abusing her. Parker telling us he didn't feed her confirmed our suspicions. 

I don't want to push our sorellina into telling us things she's not ready to share. But, it's difficult to be able to comfort her when I don't know what the root problem is.

I glance back down at Parkers sleeping form. I softly brush her hair behind her ear to get a better view. She clutches my arm firmly, even in her sleep. Her subconscious mind understands I will protect her but when she's awake, she hesitates. 

Ever since taking custody of Parker, I have noticed changes in all my brothers, changes for the better. It's funny how one little girl can have such an impact on our lives.

Ares has been keeping his anger in check. He's also started to show affection, not only to Parker, but to his other brothers as well. 

Bruno finally starting opening up more since the kidnapping of him and his twin. He has always been the brother to hide his emotions. Unlike Ares who tries to hide them, he ends up showing them through anger. Bruno swallows them up whole and you never know how he truly feels. The talk Ares told me he had with Bruno when Parker came home from the hospital shows Bruno is finally making some process. 

Luca has been showing more responsibility. I can see he is trying to become a better role model for Parker. He is also more mindful of actions and how they can affect those around him. 

Matteo has been learning to be patient and understand that things take time. Especially, with Parker. Matteo is and had always been a charmer. He uses to his advantage and in my opinion relies too heavily on it. He's learned with Parker, he can't charm his way into everyone's heart, he has to be patient. 

As for me, I am experiencing emotions I have never felt before. My entire life I have always been in control. Even when father was don, I always understood what was going on and was able to give an opinion on the matter. But with Parker, I feel like I have no control and it's scary. Fear is something I have rarely experienced. The only other time I have felt fear was when my twin brothers were abducted. 

I guess you could say I have a fear of the unknown. When I am in control, I always know what the next move will be. If an enemy strikes, I have the resources to defend myself. I can always predict a situation and calculate a solution. It's a lot like chess, I am always thinking two steps ahead. 

With Parker, I cannot anticipate her actions or emotions. I am untrained in raising a little girl and am completely out of my element. All I want for my sorellina is the world. I just don't know how to make her understand this - how to show her this.

I feel useless laying here with my neonata in my arms. 

I need to have a heart-to-heart discussion with her. I can ask Parker questions and guide her through a conversation. I can tell she won't share anything unless the question is initiated. Much like what Bruno did in the kitchen days ago. 

I just hope I can finally make some progress with her.

[word count 1194]