Unworthy

CHAPTER FORTY SIX

Kathy's POV

My cries died down after an hour or so. I picked myself up, walked to our room and began packing, later heading to my son's room to pack his clothes as well. I accept my fate.
I understand why he feels this way yet it still hurts. How could he think that I did not love him. Everything I have done is for him, why can't he see that? I had hoped that he would hear my pleas and turn back. He didn't. Oh Kathy, why are you complaining? You got what you wanted.
Our bond may not be broken but it feels like it has been, the love that Michael and I once shared is gone. But I did not want it to be this way. How can he move on like this? He will forever be tied to me. I didn't want it like this, he is supposed to move on, find a new deserving Luna. A family of his own.
Good going Kathy, you messed up again. No surprise there.
I drag the bags to the living room and walk to the pack house to see my mother, I keep my head down as conversations die down whenever am in close proximity to anyone. I don't look up.
"what do you mean we are leaving?" my mother asks with a concerned look on her face.
"Michael has ordered me to leave his pack before sunset so I am here to get my son"
"What!?"
"I said Michael has ord..."
"I heard you the first time" then why did she ask? "I am just trying to wrap my head around this"
"it's what the Alpha commanded, am just here to get Vincent then we are leaving" I say planting myself on the couch.
"and what about me? Are you going to leave me behind?" mum looks questioningly at me
"it's your choice whether you want to come or not, where is Vincent?"
"he is playing with friends outside. So...that's it?" my mother stares at me in disbelief with her arms crossed.
"what do you want me to do Mum, my mate does not want me" she scoffs
"my mate doesn't want me. Do you here yourself?" she yells "you pushed him away because you convinced yourself from the beginning that the two of you were a mistake. that the goddess made a mistake. You never gave him a real chance, you held back you never gave him your all despite all the love he had shown you"
"that's not true I loved Michael. I still love him. Everything I did was for him, he is better off without me"
"there it is Honey. Ever since you met Michael, all you do is bring yourself down, you do not deem yourself worthy to be his mate. Yes, the goddess might have paired you two together but he chose to love you, you had no right to decide on his behalf that the choice he made was wrong, he is a grown ass man Kathy"
"but..."
"but nothing Kathy. Yes, you are older, yes you can't have kids. It is what it is. You can't change that. You should have been happy with want you had and that is a mate who was ready to fight the world for you but you hurt him in the worst way possible"
"I am sorry"
"I already told you honey don't apologize to me"
"he doesn't believe me" I have tried apologizing but I know he will never forgive me.
"give him time, he will come around. You need to be patient with him" she says with an encouraging smile while cupping my face "he loves you too much to let you go". goddess I hope my mother is right.
"enough of the self-criticism, I didn't raise my daughter to be a coward who runs away when things get tough, who lets people words bring her down. I raised a beautiful and courageous woman, right?" my mother raises an expectant eyebrow. I nod my head with a smile "good, now take back those bags to your house and wait for your mate"
"No! We are still leaving"
"what! Why?"
"Michael needs time to heal, I am not letting him go. I am just giving him space" she gives me a doubtful look "trust me mother"
"last time I trusted you, you almost got yourself killed"
"MUM!"
"What! it's true, anyway I think we should go to Moonshine. You are right though, sometime away will help you rethink your life decisions. Which if I may add honey, you have made some dumb life choices recently" I laugh at my mother's bashing but she is right, I have let fear, doubt and low self-esteem ruin not just my life but the life of the man I love. They will not rule my life anymore, it will be a work in progress, nothing will be resolved overnight. I will fight for my love, even if he never forgives me, I will show him how much I love and appreciate him.
Once my mother is done packing her belongings we head to my house picking Vincent along the way, this time I hold my head high as I walk down the stairs through the pack house, I see the angry eyes, snotty looks pack members throw at me, it hurts but I refuse to cower I will not bow down. I am their Luna. I am the Alpha female.
It is time. It is almost sunset. It took some time but I managed to convince my son that we will be going for a vacation for a few days. He is mad that we will have to leave his father and friends behind.
My mother, Vincent and I walk to the parking lot to load our suitcases in the car just as we see a yelling Diana at a distance walking towards the edge of the woods with Lea, Jude and a terrible looking Dante surrounded by Chris and other warriors. I notice David among the warriors, he looks exhausted, I can imagine how he feels. It is sad that his mate died, she was crazy annoying and tried to kill me but she was in love and we all do crazy things for love.
"I am still your Luna, you will show me respect!" Diana yells. I do feel bad that she and the others are being banished but they tried to kill me and because of her David is mateless. I know Michael could have done worse than turn them into rogues.
The pack gathers outside the pack house just as we wait for Michael to emerge from the woods. I need to say goodbye even though it is only temporary.
He has not returned since our fight, I am hoping that he has blown off steam and he is more calm now.
The sun set is in a few minutes and I begin to worry, he should have been here by now. I try to mindlink him but nothing.
"Chris! Where is he? He should have been here by now" I say as I walk towards him
"I don't know none of the other warriors seem to be respo...."
Howls and growls pierce through the air as women and children scream in panic.
"women and children in the pack house NOW!, we are under attack" Chris commands.
My breathe is sucked out of me. goddess not again.