Chapter 18 - Feels Real to Me

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(Previously 'Doesn't Feel like pretend')

Tim sighed through his teeth, picking up the remote, switching the TV off. He slammed down the remote on the couch just as Lucy exited the bathroom in nothing but a bath robe.

"Ugh, these robes are so comfortable - would it count as stealing if I took two when this is over?" She chuckled to Tim, and Tim's distracted smile flashed briefly over his face before disappearing, leaving his questioning expression.

"What is it..?" She asked, frowning.

Tim let out a harsh sigh, before standing up and crossing the length of the room in a few strides. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, folding his arms over his chest.

"What?" asked Lucy. She looked at him with concern.

"Your apartment, the airplane bathroom? I mean, call me crazy but- it just doesn't feel like pretend."

Stunned, Lucy stared at him, eyes wide. Of all people, she'd never expected Tim to be the one to call her out.

"I- I mean, it's an intimate act, we'd have to be, I don't know, dead inside not to feel something, " she blinked and shook her head. "It's basic biology, right?" She laughed nervously.

"Oh," Tim blinked, and straightened up, frowning to himself. Even through the thoughts reeling around her head, even she could see that Tim was, well disappointed under his guarded expression.

She reached out her fingertips brushing his forearm.

"Unless.." she paused. "Unless you didn't want it to feel like pretend, anymore?" She finished with a slight question, her tone giving her away instantly. She dropped her hand from his arm.

Tim's eyes locked on hers, and his mouth dropped open slightly at her brashness.

He was at a loss for what to say. In the past two minutes, they had both called each other out on the feelings that had been lurking for weeks now, and yet neither had the courage to answer.

"I'm with Ashley, Lucy. And you're with Chris, and I'm your supervising officer-"

"—Tim I'm with Chris because I cant-" she stopped herself, shaking her head. "No, nevermind." She took a step back and began to turn away, but Tim reached  out and touched her shoulder gently.

"Hey wait Lucy, what were you saying?" He started imploringly at her, like a begging puppy. Lucy paused for a moment, processing what he had said before: Tim was with Ashley, and Lucy was with Chris, and Tim was her S.O, but he hadn't answered the question. If anything, he had given himself away even more. Under different circumstances, she would have laughed at him.

"No Tim, you first." At his raised eyebrows, she clarified. "You never answered the question. You just gave an answer as to why it couldn't be pretend - not if you wanted it." Lucy surprised herself at her boldness. She'd essentially just asked him if he had feelings for her, and as of now, he wasn't denying it.

He stopped, and looked at her. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. At this, there was a clear shift in the mood. Lucy took a deep breath as Tim began to speak.

"Lucy. I think we both know, that at this point, we're too far gone to deny anything, but we aren't far in enough to confirm these... accusations we're throwing at each other. I also think we both know that we are with our current partners because, well- because we can't be with each other."

He paused and looked away, breaking eye contact. Clearly, Lucy was shocked at how scarily accurate he was to her true feelings. She nodded, motioning for him to continue.

"I've had feelings for you for a long time, Lucy, probably since Caleb took you. And honestly, I wanted to go into this UC op with you because it meant that I could be with you, because you are so special to me - so special."

Lucy let out a shaky breath, looking to Tim with wide eyes, and seeing nothing but adoration, and love in his own slightly teary ones.

"And I wanted to be in a relationship with you, to love you, to kiss you like I've never kissed anyone before, but—"

"—then kiss me."

Lucy breathed, before Tim stepped towards her, a hand sliding round her waist as he pulled her to him, initiating the kiss for the first time. He kissed her with love and passion but also with a gentleness she'd never felt from him before. And as he pulled away, he took her hand and held it to his chest as she leaned her head into the crook of his neck, her hair soaking his shirt.

"No going back now Lucy," he murmured into her damp curls, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. Lucy closed her eyes and listened to his heart beat as the night settled in.

.                                FIN                                   .




and that's all for now! I'm so sorry that I haven't written like at all, I've been so busy with exams and school, and I've just not had any motivation - Ive started a couple different one shots but never finished them, so I'll get round to doing those when I find the time. Ive had some messages that have encouraged me to get back on here and continue writing, so for you reading, you know who you are!
For those who have messaged about Lost is Found, yes there will continue to be chapters, but I'm not sure where I want to go with the story, so sit tight whilst I come up with something!!
Thats all for now luvs, until next time, au revoir ❤️👋

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