The Things We Couldn't Forget

Chapter 13.

"Come on it's time to get out of bed."

No.

"Come on." Kelsea insists. "You've got to get out of bed and we need to go get your car."

Still no.

The warmth is slowly pulled away and I grip at the comforter, trying it pull it back but I'm so weak.

"Come on." She says again. "I've got the shower running for you."

No more cold water.

"Missy, you've got to get up." She chides, pulling the blanket fully off of me now and I roll onto my stomach, squeezing the pillow into my face. It's weird that it still smells like home.

I don't want to.

I want to go back to sleep. I haven't had enough yet. My nightmares keep me up, tossing and turning all night. I just want to sleep. I want to feel rest.

"If you don't get your ass out of this bed in the next four seconds I'm throwing your sweaty ass back in that shower and I'll turn it all the way to cold again."

I lift my head and glare at her.

The colors in the room look right again. The walls a light green that Dallas and I had agreed upon when we were little.

Sun is beaming in through the uncurtained window, casting little steaks of light that I can watch the dust in the air twirl and dance in.

I wonder what it's like to feel that free. Just living in the air, floating and glimmering in the midday sun.

I roll onto my back, the exertion that simple movement takes reminding me just how fragile I am.

I stare ahead of me. The curtain that separates the room is pulled back and I can see Dallas's bed still made up for him like he will soon be home from his friend's house and he will fall onto it and tell me all about his day while I hang on every word.

His blue and black comforter stares back at me, empty. No body to hold and keep away the chill of the air. No body to tuck away safely from the world while the body it belongs to drifts into dreamland.

His posters of his favorite bands still hang taped crookedly on the walls on his side of the room while my side remains blank. Just a Cork board leaving against one wall waiting for me to tack all of the things that are important to me to it.

I'd never really gotten a chance to use it. To discover what I like. There is a picture of me and Rebecca, both smiling in our large coats, hoods pulled tightly around our faces. Beside it, a picture of Aries I'd taken one day after school as I had walked out to meet him. The Polaroid capturing the way he'd lean against the wall and wait for me, that bright smile I always earned for showing up.

Other than that, there is a piece of pink cloth. Something I thought would be a good inspiration for the dress I wanted to find for the homecoming dance I'd never get to attend.

Below the pink fabric, a word is cut out of a magazine and tacked right into the center. It read simply, "you", written in a curling calligraphy. I don't even know what that word had meant to me at the time. Why I'd chosen it out of so many other options.

That board summed up my life here. I was my friends, the boy I cared for, and a whisper of a dream to be more.

I never really got the chance to discover who I am. Not when my innocence had long since been taken from me, and the worlds cruelty never let up.

"Please, Missy." Kelsea sighs. "Please say something at least."

Had I not already said something?

My mouth is so dry it feels like it's been stuffed with cotton balls while I slept. I touch my throat, my voice too hoarse to make words come out.