Lamborghini | Tony Stark

FORTY TWO - A CONSTANT

Sasha didn't return to her apartment, instead deciding to check herself into a suite at The Plaza while she figured out what her next move was going to be.

Fury had told her that he'd had a team of people collect her belongings from her old apartment and box everything up, locking it in a storage unit at the Avengers Compound upstate. She had a suitcase full of necessities with her, as well as the photo frame that Tony had rescued from her place when he first went to assess the damage.

The Plaza was nice, homely enough for the time being. Sasha was used to large, bland open spaces in the apartments she chose to live in, making the vintage decor style in the hotel a welcomed change.

Sasha didn't want to go back to how things before, since that clearly wasn't working out for her. For the second time in a year, she had found herself without a true place to call home. Numbness was a familiar feeling to her by that point and although Sasha felt as though she should have been desperately weeping into her pillow after everything that had happened to her, there was simply no emotions left for her to express.

Understandably, Sasha had taken a temporary leave of absence from her work. The firm were more than cooperative given the situation, though she didn't wallow in their sympathy, wanting to forget about the whole ordeal more than anything.

Sasha spent her days researching homes on the coast in Maine. She'd had a calling in the back of her mind since visiting that echoed consistently, brewing an urge to return to the placid seaside town she'd grown fond of during her short stay.

If there was ever a time for a fresh start, Sasha decided it was then. Her job was transferable but apart from that, she had nothing keeping her in New York, not anymore. Her home was no more and her relationship was even less, leaving her completely alone all over again.

Sasha wasn't one to bathe in self-pity, deciding to diminish the time she should've spent feeling sorry for herself and instead spend it focusing on how to get her life back on track. Crying wouldn't change the trauma that made her unable to sleep at night, and neither would wondering how different things might be if she'd had changed her actions even the slightest bit.

She had learned by now that she didn't enjoy living in a world full of what ifs, Sasha feeling far more comfortable wrapped in certainties and exclusivities. She likes to steer and guide, decide and dictate, manage and control. Dreaming and desiring had become a taboo subject for her to think about by that time, knowing now that some risks weren't worth taking, no matter how good the odds might've seemed.

Sasha hadn't spoken to Tony since leaving the hospital. She'd watched tears falls from his eyes as she turned her back on him and walked away, not letting him see the ones that fell down her own face to match.

There wasn't enough words in the English language for Sasha to describe how Tony made her feel. He had been the first man to show her what being in love, and being loved, truly felt like. Yet in the same breath, he had destroyed every ounce of trust and broken down every bridge she'd built to let him into her heart, setting fire to the very path he'd worked so hard to be able to walk.

Sasha thought about Tony day and night. Her heart ached and her mind tortured itself with memories that were now haunted. She recalled nights they'd shared in her bed, only for them to now be tainted with the thought of the hard drive that caused their downfall to be just inches below their bodies.

Sasha had been hurt before, she'd been betrayed by boyfriends and let down by friends, though none of her past experiences hurt quite as bad as Tony's actions did. The memories burned like hot fire and left scars itching, making it impossible for Sasha's mind and body to rest for even a second.