Fading - Lando Norris

1 sep forward, 3 steps back

We've been in this situation for a week now. I've spent the whole week trying to catch up on the past few years and on my work. It was becoming impossible for me. Even if I won't get to work when the season starts, I want to resume to my position as soon as possible. To be honest I was going a little crazy for not leaving the house.

I looked for Lando and saw him playing some game in his computer. I went up to him and tapped him on the shoulder to get him to take off his headphones.

-I'm going out- I told him.

-You're going out? Where?- he said resting the headphones on his neck.

-I dont know, look around the city a bit, not far away maybe look for a park or something- I answered.

-Sure, there is one a cople of streets over, just be careful- I was heading to the door when he said goodbye - I love you!- he said, As if he had that answer engraved in his brain.

-Please Lan, dont tell me you love me- I said turning around to see him again.

-What?- He stops what he was doing and gets up from the chair approaching me.-Dont ask me that Moon, I am the person I am because of what we lived together. I cant forget that I love you.- I take a deep breath, I understand where he is coming from. But every time he tells me he loves me, even if most of them he doesn't even realize he has done it, the guilt eats me alive. Because I cant be the person he loved right now.

-But I'm not the same person you lived all that with Lando. I'm not the same Luna you fell in love with all that years ago.- I turn around and go to the front door, Lando following me.

-Luna wait! You cant go like that- He tells me when I open the door. I turn but don't move away from the door frame.

-I just need space Lando, give me that please- And with that I go. I don't know why I expected him to open the door behind me, but no, he respects what I have asked of him.

I do what I had said I was going to do and go in search of a park. I know it would be easier to find it with the help of my phone but I feel like enjoying the view.

As Lando said I find one a couple of streets from home. My intention was to find a quiet place to sit down and read but in my rush I forgot my book so I limit myself to take a little walk through it.

It reassures me to see that the parks are still normal. It may seem silly but everything feels different to England here.

I decide to stop by a cafe before going home. I felt bad about how I left and wanted to bring Lando something. I ordered a mocha for myself and a hot chocolate for Lando.

While I was paying, I noticed how some girls in the queue were whispering behind me. Looking out of the corner of my eye I see how one of them is recording me with her phone.

I thank the barista before I put on my hood and get out of there asap. I hadn't realized until that moment that people also knew who I was. I guess it's what comes from dating an F1 driver, but that doesn't take away how violated your privacy is when these things happen.

I try to get home as soon as possible, I take the wrong street a couple of times but I finally find the building. I use the key Lando gave me and go inside. Once inside I lowered my hood and went up to the fifth floor. It's one thing to lose your memory but one of the worst parts is feeling like you're a guest in your own home. I don't know where anything is and I feel like I have to walk on pins trying not to disturb.

-I have arrived! - I exclaim once I open the door. but I don't have to look very far because Lando is sitting on the couch in front of me.- I brought you hot chocolate, what are you doing?

-I was...- he said trying to pick up everything quickly- Don't worry, I'll pit it away, I know you didn't want to see many photos, I just had a little nostalgia.

-Wait! don't save them yet- I approach him and leave the cups on the table.- Show me some I think I'm ready for some more stories.

-You dont have to feel pressured by what happened earlier if you dont feel ready- how can he know what to say to make me feel safe every single time?

-I'm sure, really, bring it on- I said pointing at one of them.

-Whats the story behind that one?- It was one where we both were with another guy. We must not be more than 19 or 20 years old in this photo since We look more like the Lando and Luna I remembered.

-Thats Max, the one I was talking about the other day- he said pointing to him- It was his birthday, the 20th.- he went to the next photo he had in his hand

- This is a good one!- His face lights up when he sees it. It was a photo of us, in a completely empty room. I was sitting on the floor with a paint brush in my hand and a smile from ear to ear, Lando was taking a selfie with an expression just like mine- We had just Bought the house. We were so excited that we began to decorate as soon as we signed the papers for it.

-The next one...-He stops when he sees the photo. We were looking at eachother with adoration. He had his arms around my waist and I had one of my hands resting on his shoulder. I was showing my other hand to the camera where you could see a ring, an engagement ring. He took the photos from my hands and saved them where they were. He then got up from the sofa leaving me there. He proposed, we were engaged and he didnt tell me. I followed him to the other room.

-Why didnt you tell me?- I asked once I reached him.

-How would you have reacted if I told you we were engaged?- he says frustrated.

-The same way as when you told me we were dating, confused!- I explained- but now not only I feel confused I also feel like I've been lied to.

-Moon...- he sees the way I looked at him after the nickname- Luna, I'm really trying I promise you. But I've never done this before, I'm going to fuck up sometimes.

-I'm not asking you to be perfect, I just want you to be honest from now on, always, whatever happens- He thinks about it a bit but eventually agrees.- I need to be able to trust you.

-That seems reasonable- he said.

-Where is the ring?- I ask curious. He seems surprised by that question. He takes a chain that was hanging from his neck and pulls it to show it to me. At the end of that chain was the ring of the photo.

-A nurse gave it to me with the rest of the things from the car- he said looking at the ring- It didnt seem right to hide it in a box you know? Do you want it back?

-Keep it- he tried to hide his disappointment but it didn't work- until the time is right, keep it safe- It was a promise to him, a promise that the moment when it feels right again will come again.