A Court of Light and Fire (ACOTAR)

Chapter Sixteen

The world around her seemed to be moving as usual, but something about the feeling squirming in her chest stopped every breath of time for Celeste. She didn't have to fake the way her eyes widened this time, how her lips parted and closed, parted again. Mouths moved, footsteps creaked, but every voice, every noise, went unheard by the girl. Celeste's mind could only filter through the way the male's gaze hardly shifted from her own, his eyes scanning every inch of her as she stood before the dais.

She didn't want to realise what had just happened, but the feeling in her chest had settled, like a golden thread tying comfortably at last, a key locking into place after so many years. But she couldn't just pretend she didn't feel something for this male that the Mother had paired her with.

Even as the one she had grown to adore stood right by her side.

Only when a presence tingled in the back of her mind did the trance break, and her eyes flickered to where Feyre sat at the throne. Her sister did not look back at her, but the feeling dissipated from her mind at the movement.

It must have been Feyre. She would have to speak to her later.

When Celeste looked back at Eris, it seemed as though his trance had broken, too. His gaze hardened once again, a practiced smirk tilting his lips as he spoke to Rhysand and Keir. His eyes didn't fall back upon the girl once, but she could sense a focus on her, feel the tension growing in her chest as she stood there, masking the storm in her chest behind a curious gaze.

Only Azriel seemed to notice something was out of sorts in the room. He sidled closer to Celeste, now only a hands breadth away, but for once, Celeste did not want the comfort of another beside her. She wanted to get out of this room that was too large it suffocated her. She wanted away from the prying eyes, to curl up in the library with her sisters, a book and hot chocolate in hand. She wanted to close her world back up to the small life she had lived before, until she sorted out the hundreds of feelings zooming around in her chest, multiplying by the minute.

She thought she had wanted more than that in her life. She thought she wanted to be free, to be known, to defy all expectation and live a life bigger than anyone could have ever imagined for he.

Celeste thought she wanted to be remembered.

And she did want to be remembered.

But a part of her wanted a quiet life more. A life that belonged to her and only her for as many years as she had. A world of solitude and peace and joy, away from the war and politics and charades that came with it. Away from the confusion of the faerie realm, content with whoever she chose to have in her small world as she lived a life the world didn't need to see for it to be deemed special.

She wanted to be Celeste.

She wanted to be human.

Her world had grown too large now, even for her wildest dreams to take hold of.

Celeste wanted to go home.

Azriel's eyes burned her temple as he stared between her and Rhysand. Her gaze had dropped to an empty spot of the floor's stone in the distance. If she looked up, to the side, anywhere but the ground, she would lose hold of the leash she had on the tears in her eyes. If she breathed too deeply, her chest would crack, and that tangled knot growing between her ribs would not shed with it, leaving it to squeeze squeeze squeeze until her heart could not pound any longer.

Azriel's hand on her spine drew her back to the room. Nudged her forward. She didn't recoil from his touch, only keeping her eyes fixed on the door ahead. One step at a time, she could work with. Left, right; left right.

She felt like she had met that male before. Maybe from the snippets the others had told her of him - but it felt deeper than that.

When she had been standing upon the dais, it was like an answer had been found to a question she had not dared ask herself among the recent events of their lives.