A Court of Light and Fire (ACOTAR)

Chapter Eighteen

Celeste's POV

Most mornings, Celeste awoke to the rattle of wood under Cassian's fist as he called her for training, or the rustling of sheets and footsteps when Azriel rose at the crack of dawn.

This morning, Celeste awoke long after the sun had risen, not a soul in sight. Glancing around the room - the guest room she had once stayed in at the townhouse - she was surprised to find only her side of the bed had been disturbed.

Her heart sank in her chest at the realisation. Azriel hadn't stayed with her overnight.

The thought had her heart sinking in her chest. She feared the bond with another male might push Azriel away, with his stance on being an honourable Illyrian no matter the circumstance.

While her body had recovered from the emotional exertion of the night before, her mind was still reeling in all that had happened. As though in response to the direction of her thoughts, she felt herself searching for the bond between her ribs, tugging it slightly.

He didn't tug back - in fact, the bond didn't seem to extend beyond her half at all the way it had last night. It was as though there was a barrier blocking her messages from being received on the other end.

Maybe Eris just wasn't awake yet.

Celeste didn't want to be awake right now, either. Didn't want to face the world just yet.

It would be a different world than she had awoken to yesterday, and she wasn't quite ready to face that reality yet. She had just begun to settle in her new life, her new skin - and most of it had been because of her love for Azriel.

Azriel. For now, she could not dwell on the thought of him. The darkness of her room was comfortable the way his arms had once been - the way she didn't have to look around the room so empty of any resemblance to the person she had become over the past few months, that she didn't have to see the reflection of her now-adult face when she walked past the mirror. They were blessings she would be happy to bask in for the remainder of the day - days - ahead.

It was likely at least that dream would become a reality as long as she could help it.

If the others needed her, they would come find her. With the shame that rose in her at who she was mated to, the way she wanted to tear her skin from her bones and hide her face in her pillow until she disappeared into its feathers, she hoped that wouldn't be for a long while.

Nuzzling her cheeks into the bed sheets, she squeezed her eyes tightly closed, hoping she might slip through the air like the others could and reappear anywhere but the townhouse where her family remained. That, or she could disappear altogether.

She felt so much guilt at what had happened, but could not place why, exactly. It felt like she was betraying them, being tied to the male that had hurt her family, that would be privy to doing so again if they got in his way.

Maybe that was it - the whole situation with Mor.

Btu Celeste did not think that was what she could blame for the burden of disgust that weighed so heavily upon her chest.

It more likely had something to do with the Illyrian that was sleeping right down the hall, probably wondering if she ever really care for him at all.

Celeste did love Azriel - had loved him for longer than she would ever be able to admit to anyone at this stage without feeling like a lovestruck faerie. Since they had met, she felt drawn to the male, like maybe they were the ones that should have been placed together by the Mother. They were both equal in their views - his darkness helped her nightmares grow brighter, just as she hoped her rays of light could be a beacon for his own sorrows. Her lightrays balanced out his shadows; his hand, his fingers, intertwined so perfectly with hers. They breathed in such harmony with the beat of each other's souls, and they fought by each other's sides in more ways than just physical through every hardship that arose.

Azriel had become a safe haven for Celeste, and she hoped it had been the other way around for whatever time they had shared together. No matter the events of each day, the tears that flowed or the struggles that overwhelmed her, Azriel's arms were always the home she could return to rest in each night. His wings were the walls that would shelter her from every darkness; his eyes were the future she wanted to see herself in every time they held each other close.

She had thought Azriel was her forever. She had never admitted it to herself, and certainly had never admitted it to the others.

Maybe she should have - maybe that would have changed the outcome. Maybe then, no matter who was tied to the other side of her mating bond, Celeste would have awoken in Azriel's arms as he held her tighter than he ever had before in a promise to never lose - to never leave - each other.

But that night had not come, and she did not fool herself into hoping that night would come again.

And still, with every reason not to, Celeste knew she was never a girl to give up so easily, and there was no reason that would differ in her fight for Azriel.

But for now, Celeste wanted to rest. She wanted to find that warm darkness of sleep again and never escape from it - to bask in the only solace she could find alone in that room she no longer called hers. She needed to close her eyes, and forget for just a moment that - no matter how hard she fought - perhaps that night would never come again, because the Mother had other, more heartwrenching plans in place for the two of them.

So Celeste did close her eyes. She had fought for so long; she just needed to rest a little while longer. If the world needed her, it would come knocking.

Celeste pretended the shovel did not dig deeper into her chest when the knock never came.

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A/N:

"Heyy.... how y'all doin..." 😂 

It's been a little while, but I'm back and ready to keep writing! In a very fanfiction-author fashion, I've been MIA for a while because I got hit by the bus known as Writers Block. But, ya girl is back on the grind, has a lot of tea left to spill for Celeste, and can't wait for you all to be right by Celeste and I's side through it all. The rollercoaster has only just begun...

Thank you for reading, and good luck to me, you and every character in this story😅

See you in the next chapter tomorrow! Charlotte🤍💫