A Court of Light and Fire (ACOTAR)

Chapter Seventeen

Azriel's POV

Celeste had fallen asleep in Azriel's arms, tired to the bone after the way her emotions roiled so viciously in her chest.

Azriel, of course, felt it all along with her through their bond, but kept his own confusion at bay for the night. She was already in turmoil at learning they were mates - he did not need to add to her suffering.

Azriel always knew that his mate might reject the bond, but the reality of the situation staring him right tin the face was almost too much to endure. He had been raised to accept rejection, to live with the darkness until it became his only friend. It was stupid, but some major part of him had hoped his mate would be different - would see the cracks and faults and scars of his soul, and not turn away for even a blink.

'One final night,' he had told Celeste as they soared above the world, beyond all it entailed.

He didn't know if he could hold back his feelings any longer, with the bond having settled mostly into place for the both of them now.

But for Celeste, Azriel would try.

Since their first meeting, he had hoped she would be the one he ended up with. He didn't care how long he had to wait, or question why some part of him knew they were meant to be together.

Then, when Celeste could walk again, spent more time with them as the days passed, the bond he hoped would exist between them had snapped into place in his chest. From that moment on, he knew no other female would ever compare to Celeste for the remainder of his days, that he would never see another female shine the way Celeste shone. Like they existed in their own small world, his own galaxy of stars and constellations and dreams that had been answered.

He felt the bond grow stronger over time, like each string was being woven to reach Celeste day by day. After Mor had comforted her from a worse nightmare, the morning he had discussed with Rhys and Cassian that Celeste might be interested in training with them, he knew something had shifted greatly in their connection. For the first time, it was like Celeste's emotions came to him always, all the time, not just in waves.

For the first time that morning, he had felt some sense of peace embed itself in her soul.

The bond wasn't something delicate for him to caress any longer, to tug gently and hope she might feel it.

The bond was real, and if Celeste had any idea that it existed, there was always the chance that she might reject it.

And that scared Azriel more than anything.

So, he did the only thing he could think to do in that moment.

He ran away, as he did from all his other emotions. He flew to the cabin, and did not return for weeks.

He had missed Celeste's first training session. So many breakfasts and dinners with his family.

He did not tell them what he knew - he wanted to keep the bond private, something special that he could admire, that could not be tainted by the world and the opinions that came with the knowledge.

He wanted to tell Celeste - but he wanted her to experience that feeling of something so right clicking in her soul, didn't want to take that away from her.

He didn't want her to feel forced or obliged to be with him, to accept the bond, either. Like their relationship only existed because of that connection, when he had admired her long before.

Then, Rhys called him.

Feyre was in trouble.

He shadowtravelled, went to rescue his High Lady. So close to Celeste now, he felt like he was hovering above it all, drifting through the world successfully merely due to his Illyrian instincts to fight, to protect.