Once You Were My Friend

September 2021

Two friends were sitting by the patio watching the sunset. It was the earlier part of fall where the days started to become shorter and the nights longer. It left Nami feeling the year had gone by quickly again.

"Why are we friends?" She asked. Golden and pink tulle skies with fluffy clouds meeting the centre of the sun softened their hearts for a moment. Em sighed and closed her eyes briefly. "I don't know. It's kind of a loaded question, don't you think?"

"Maybe," she said. The sun was passing by her face slowly like a scanner. "I think about it all the time. I think about how different we are, yet you remain the closest and longest friend I have."

"I don't really think about it that way," Em replied and laid down onto the thick blanket, feeling the threads brush her skin. "I just think you have a hard time believing in people staying in your life rather than healing that part of yourself."

Nami looked down at her friend whose eyes were closed. She looked so nonchalant and carefree. As if the words she had just said had no weight to them.

"What? I can feel you staring at me." Em opened one eye to peek and felt satisfied being right.

"You obsess over the things that don't mean much and turn it into something big. Like with what I just said. I didn't criticise you, it was just a mere observation."

Nami felt tense though she knew she was the one who asked the question. "I didn't ask for some analytical observation of me. But okay."

"Now you're being curt. I love you, you know that." Em assured her by squeezing her elbow.

There was a silence that passed as the sun continued to slowly lose the dominion of the sky. The wind tickled the top of her back, reminding her she had freshly cut her hair at the end of summer. These were the kinds of conversation Nami loved. She sought validation through ponderous questions but was never satisfied with the answers even if it were from her best friend.

"I'm going inside." Nami said as she brushed the dust off her pants and left Em's side.

Often now, she knew she was running away in her mind, wondering what was wrong with her. There was always this need for conversations to be deep for them to be meaningful. And when they were, by the end of the conversation, she'd end up always feeling attacked, even if she was the instigator. She filled the kettle to make some tea while staring aimlessly at Em through the kitchen windows, who was scrolling through her phone.

•

Later that night, Em knocked on Nami's door. Nami was reading a book then but the words looked like separate characters. She had to constantly re-read every sentence and paragraph for the words to make sense.

"Hey," Em said, her hand resting on the door knob.

"Hey yourself," Nami tossed the book aside and sat up from her bed.

Em sighed and sat down next to Nami. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. Though, I'm mostly apologising for the deliverance. I know you don't deal with that very well." Em said, sincerity poured through her voice like honey and it made Nami smile in return, appreciating the apology and shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm over it, but thank you. Though, it is my favourite thing about you." Em raised a slight brow.

"Your ability to analyse everyone accurately." Nami continued. Em took the book and flicked through quickly to feel the wind from the pages. When she skimmed the words of the blurb, she wondered why Nami was reading a book about people-pleasing. Nami rested her chin on Em's shoulder and sighed. "It's a really good book or so I heard. I just don't really have the brain capacity to read it right now."