Once You Were My Friend

March 2022

At the dinner table, Karl sat next to Nami and across them was Em and Tamo. They had ordered tacos for dinner. The sun had already set and in the background played Em's playlist on shuffle. Nami couldn't help but keep notice of the way Em kept taking bits of food from Tamo's paper plate and how Tamo would let it happen, as if he wasn't aware of the hand that kept going back to his plate, clearing his food quicker. But that was how Em was anyway, even if her plate was still full of two tacos specifically, untouched.

            It was quiet, besides the sounds of their mouths chewing. Karl was a vegan so Nami wasn't in a rush to try his food, nor was he for hers, but commended him for his choice of lifestyle. Although, she did kind of wish she shared the same intimacy with him as Em and Tamo did. Like there was a rush to be that comfortable in front of each other, without the years of work it took. Karl had caught Nami picking at her food with her fingers and staring intently at it.

            "You okay?" He asked. There was a tiny bit of salsa on the corner of his lips. He then wiped at it with his thumb, still having his eyes on her.

            "Yeah," she said. "Just full I think."

            He drew his eyes to her plate which was barely touched. "If that wasn't beef, I'd eat it."

            She smiled briefly. If that confirmed anything, he would eat off her plate as Em did with Tamo. Maybe they were at that stage already. He had slept over at her place a couple of times too and tonight was going to be the same. They hadn't necessarily had the relationship talk, the labels and such. Nami wasn't sure if it was something she particularly cared for.

            "I'm sorry I'm a meat lover," she said.

            "Then I'll eat it," Em said.

            "Go for it," Nami pushed her plate towards Em.

            Nami stood up from the table and went to the kitchen to wash her hands. It had been three months since they've been exclusively seeing each other, on her end at least. It was nice. Especially on dinner nights like this, she didn't mind the extra company. She thought it might've changed their friendship dynamic, but if anything, Em didn't pay much attention to Karl since he worked with Tamo.

She could feel a familiar pair of hands on her waist from behind her and Karl had kissed her neck. He was affectionate that way. Always showing her, he was near. A brush on the hand, a tickle under her upper arm or simply kissing her in front of her friends or in public. She wasn't sure if she liked that. It was one of the main reasons a lot of her past partners found it to be a fault. She was perceived as being an emotionally unavailable person just because she couldn't physically give a public display of affections. But somehow, she managed to swallow the will to cringe and discomfort just for him. She convinced herself this relationship would be different and a way to prove herself she wasn't an unfeeling person.

            "I'm going to wait in your room," he whispered.

In her room, he was laid on top of her, still catching his breath. Nami's top remained on her body while her underwear was lost somewhere between the sheets. Their relationship was simple in this way – however they had spent their day, deep in conversation or having lunch, it always ended in sex, one way or another. Maybe she preferred it this way even if the sex wasn't always great. Nami took pleasure that he needed her, or wanted her – to be desired itself was fulfilment. She liked the idea of her being the one to give satisfaction, as if she was the only one who held the power to give him that feeling. For her, it was empowerment.

While his body started to feel heavy on her, she stared at her ceiling and followed the embellished patterns. It reminded her how much she hated her ceilings. She would have them redone if she had the money, not daring to ask her mother because of the communication it would open.