Once You Were My Friend

April 2022

While Nami kept in mind she was speaking to someone who she had been intimate with, someone she had become relatively attached to, there was an element that lingered in the air she couldn't put her finger on. Maybe it was the conversation she had with Sebastian that was a few days ago. Karl was sitting opposite her as they ate their sandwiches during her lunch break. Every bite of the iceberg lettuce was crisp and refreshing in her mouth, balancing the salt from the pastrami and the sweetness of the turkey slices.

Nami watched the way Karl chewed his roasted vegetable sandwich. Despite it being meat-free, his lips glistened from each bite. He chewed heavily but he always kept his mouth shut, occasionally piling the food to one side of his mouth like he had hidden an egg in his cheek as he took another bite. It was enough to make Nami feel full just from looking at him.

The corners of his eyes wrinkled slightly when he smiled at her. She returned the smile as she ingested her last bite then washed it down with her coffee. Nami was the type to get full easily when she'd drink and eat at the same time. Her eyes drew to her half-eaten sandwich between her fingers and contemplated throwing it out or saving it for later. Deciding the latter, she wrapped it and put it aside, dusting off the crumbs from her hands.

"How much time do we have left?" Karl asked. He saved a corner piece as his last bite.

Nami tapped on her phone to check the time, "ten minutes."

He wiped his hands particularly with parts of the tissue that wasn't covered in grease. "I'll walk with you."

"Okay," she said.

As they walked through the bustling streets, occasionally bumping into shoulders, holding hands, the thought of normalcy came into mind. This was what people do, have lunches with someone they liked during lunch breaks, sleeping over each other's houses, sharing each other's goals and aspirations. It was mostly Karl who instigated these conversations. Nami was simply very good at listening and nodding her head at the right times. It felt too personal and intimate to share those things with someone she'd only known for three months. He never really picked up on it either, a little too in his own ego at times.

Karl was now talking about how he might have the opportunity to work with a big artist. He hadn't realised she hasn't said much since they've left the sandwich shop. Even with her attention on other things, she could still listen to the things he was saying. It was almost like she was watching herself walk with him, a fairly out of body moment.

"If things go well, I might have to live in L.A. for a while. It's obviously not ideal, but to meet them in person would be an absolute dream of mine," Karl said. "But that's if they'll have me on their project."

Nami squeezed his hand once which still felt unfamiliar to do. "That's amazing," she said.

Karl's smile was coy, his other hand rubbing the back of his neck. "I haven't told anyone yet. You're sort of the first to know."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he looked at her briefly.

They were standing outside the foyer then. She looked to the rotating doors and then back at him. Sometimes it felt like she might've invested in someone more than she intended. It should make Nami feel special or honoured. Instead, there was a sense of unworthiness as he told her she was the first to know. Dancing with doubts rather than appreciating the sentiment was something she struggled with.

"I'll call you," she said. Her hand was loose in his.

"Okay," he closed the gap between them and cupped her face tenderly, kissing her goodbye. Nami didn't think this was something she could get used to. But as his lips melted into hers, she was still convincing herself she could. Her hands found their way to awkwardly hold onto his elbows.