Once You Were My Friend

December 2021

They had fallen asleep holding each other close. Sebastian had his arms around her stomach and his chin resting on top of her head. He didn't know when they had fallen asleep, but this kind of closeness was something they used to do often. It was as if no time had passed at all and this strangeness they have had between them as adults dissipated as they laid on her bed. She smelt like fresh linen as her shoulders rose and fell, her breaths the same as his. He found himself hugging her closer when he felt her hands around his arms. With the realisation of how close she was to him, he could feel his chest thudding against her back. Afraid to wake her up, he kept as still as he could now that he was awake. He wondered how long they could be this way.

It was around two a.m. when Nami told him those exact words that made him feel like he knew her more than most people. "I haven't told anyone that before. Not even Em." She was resting her head on his lap when she said that as he stroked her hair.

"Do you think I'm a bad person for thinking that way?"

He thought about what she had said. Their conversation found a way to be about her parents. "The only way they'd part is in death." He weighed out if it were something terrible. But he could never find a way to fault her. It wasn't his place to judge what she said, especially not now. She had seemed so emotionless with her words, as if she had already given it enough thought. He often wondered what kind of process she'd go through to conjure these kinds of thoughts as she was often quiet and never gave too much insight, unless it was about politics. But even then, sometimes he'd think that was someone she pretended to be. Nami was the kind of person to use her wealth of knowledge in current affairs as an upper hand to those who didn't keep up with daily news. Though, he was indifferent about it.

He'd shaken his head in response as he frowned, "You're entitled to how you feel. But I can see how you'd feel bad. It's hard enough as it already is."

She had opened her eyes then, looking up at him as he looked down.

Breaking his thoughts out of last night's conversation, he heard a soft knock on the door and was greeted by Em in her pyjamas with slightly messy hair. He felt a rush through to his fingertips, his arms stiffening around Nami, afraid he was doing something Em would disapprove of. It almost felt like someone intruding on their privacy, despite being fully clothed. He was unsure why he'd felt like that and tried to relax immediately.

Em yawned as she said to him, "you should move your car soon."

There was a hardness in her eyes she tried to hide through her tired look. She might've been annoyed by him but she quickly softened in her way with a tight-lipped smile. He nodded and rubbed his eyes with his free hand, then cautiously moved his arm from under Nami.

Sebastian went outside of Nami's room and he was careful not to make too much noise as the door creaked. Em had been waiting by the hallway and gave him a glare, as if she couldn't control her displeasure. She tried her best to hide it, but Sebastian knew Em enough. She could never mask her feelings well, even if she did, her stare was always felt from across the room. Sebastian pretended to remain ignorant from Em's frown. He didn't know what to do with it, sort of, if she had something to say, he would rather her say it than this passive aggressive glower.

As he made his way to the front door, Em said to him with folded arms, "hey. Just be nice to her. It's been a hard couple of weeks."

He smiled politely, slightly bothered as if he was incapable of being a caring friend to someone he's known for most of his life. Not wanting to have an argument, he figured Em was coming from a place of love.

As Sebastian was moving his car and put a new ticket in, he couldn't seem to ignore the growing fondness that continued to pass. He thought about how nice it was. How Nami felt in his arms, how safe she must've felt - the fact that he was able to still provide that for her. Something as simple as falling asleep next to each other had made him become hopeful they were able to move past the strange dance they had between them since they've been friends again. It was so easy. The hole he felt she left behind was finally filled again in his chest. There was this eagerness to go back inside and lay down with her again. All Sebastian could think about was that she allowed him to stay with her the night and it gave him a feeling he didn't want to forget. For the moment, they were normal people on a Saturday morning. Better yet, they were like two cherries attached to one stem.