XLIV. Intellectualize and Compartmentalize

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CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

BEST — GRACIE ABRAMSPromise I don't forget all of my fault in this'Cause look at me, I'm alone, sitting here, stayin' homeAll of my self control kinda got difficultBut I deserve it though, I deserve it though

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BEST — GRACIE ABRAMS
Promise I don't forget all of my fault in this
'Cause look at me, I'm alone, sitting here, stayin' home
All of my self control kinda got difficult
But I deserve it though, I deserve it though



STELLA FIDDLED WITH the chain around her neck as Portis turned the plane around. Her leg couldn't stop shaking and her anxiety peaked at the thought of going home. She envisioned it a thousand times and every scenario ended in her mother's welcoming arms, but that didn't stop her from stressing out about every little thing that could go wrong between then and now.

Beside her, JJ placed a hand on her leg and gave her thigh a gentle squeeze. His attention was on the pilot, but his fingers tapped against her skin in a steady rhythm. "So what were you doing all the way out here?"

Portis flipped a few switches on the dashboard. "I got a little guide outfit in Saint Vincent. I was spotting fish."

"What were you spotting?" JJ had a proclivity for chatting up anyone in his company. One time, he disappeared while visiting Stella at the hospital during a shift, and when she found him, he was learning how to knit from an elderly lady in the ICU.

"You know, the usual. Wahoo." Portis shrugged and tossed a look over his shoulder. "I'd hang on to something. Gets a little spicy on takeoff."

The ride was smooth for an old plane carrying more weight than it should, and the seven teenagers spent the majority of the time discussing the next phase of their plan. After touching down in the closest city, they weren't sure if they wanted to return to the Outer Banks right away. Pope and Stella wanted to so they could see their parents again, and John B agreed, having missed his adoptive mother more than he expected. Kie said she didn't want to, but she felt that she owed it to her parents to return after putting them through hell over the past few months. She wouldn't admit it for the sake of being stubborn, but she missed them. Sarah claimed that she had nothing to return to. And Cleo had no opinion on the matter, though she did state that she'd like to see where the group grew up.

The Pogues loved their freedom and they weren't ready to give it up yet, but most ached for familiarity. It was like a war waged in their heads—one side of the battle being everything they knew they should do and the other being everything they wanted to do. They should go back to their families, to school, to normal life. But life together was good and they didn't want their little family to end on the account of their obligations.

Stella's eyes locked on the mass of land fast approaching. The windows of the cockpit were dirty, but she could see the island clearly. A coldness fell over her leg as JJ lifted his hand to run through his hair. Her brows furrowed at the puzzled look on his face and she tilted her head. "I know that look," she voiced, careful not to alert their friends. "What is it?"

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