My Dark Beloved - onc 2023 Ambassadors Pick-Longlisted

.10

The opium bubbles in the spoon. Underneath the utensil, Zillah's working a lighter back and forth like they are trying to create art. The flame licks silver. I am jealous. 

When Zillah pulls my jacket off and tugs my arm onto their lap I want to dive to that very spot and claim them as my own.

"Watch how I do it," they says without moving a lip.

I comply. My sight is theirs.

There's a tiny drop of liquid on the tip of the needle.

Zillah's face inches to me. "It's going to go in now. Take a breath."

I inhale then stop. The needle touching my inner elbow sinks like a ship. I watch as water ripples over my flesh.

Then... BAM!

It hits me before I exhale.

Oh, Goddamn. It's...

...it's.

You have no idea.

I'm falling. Back. Back. Back into an array of red pillows and gold thread.

Above.

I see. I close my eyes and I can see.

The flame had grown. It is an inferno. I hear a roar. There are wings flying past by my head.

Hot breath on my ear. It's sweet like brown sugar.

Zillah's fingers are on me. My head has replaced my hand on his lap. Inside – somewhere under my breastbone – there's a crazy little man laughing.

Zillah's fingers are in my hair. I want to tell them I love it when they do that but all that comes out is, "How did she die?" Zillah's fingers are –

"Don't you remember?"

I open my eyes. I know this is the part where I'm supposed to shake my head but when I look towards the south wall, I see myself and I'm flickering like a movie playing on the plaster. I'm in the same part of the city. There's an alley. Broken streetlights. 

A pretty little thing tells me her name. 

"My dark Davina," the movie-me says as I pin her against the wall. 

I feel brick rubbing my knuckles. She's playing hard-to-get but the fact that she just told me to bite harder indicates it's all an act.

"Scream my name," I demand and she does. The way she says it is silvery. Melodic.

Zillah, my subconscious whispers but I am too lost in the memory to look towards them when they touch my cheek.

"I said harder. Bite." Her voice is wind chimes. "You can't tell a lady you're part vampires and not make me bleed." 

She playfully kicks me with a pointy shoe so I dig my fangs into her and begin to feed. I mean really feed. I'm sucking her dry.

She panics. I feel it in her heart beat. When she demands I let go, I only hold onto her tighter. When she tries to bite me back I falter. It's not until she breaks free and there's a knife on my fucking throat drawing blood that I grab her by the hair and bash her head against the brick wall.

Bang, bang. Over and over until she's nothing but pulp. The hooker slithers down to the pavement. She is weightless. Gravity clings to her. Blood and goo from her broken skull pool around my feet.

"Zillah." I claw at him wide-eyed. "What the hell was that? I think I'm seeing things."

The wall is blank. The movie has ended. I am in shambles.

Zillah smiles. A needle sticks out of his arm. "You're a dark one, beloved." The needle moves. It is a leech worming along a drop of blood on his skin. "She's dead because you killed her, little bird. You killed them all. Now there's nothing left. Nothing but bones in K-Mart couture and a whole lot of blood on the walls and sidewalk." I watch the leach as it drops to the ground and rolls around in chaotic confusion. Zillah's heal is upon it before I can blink.

My eyes start to roll. I see the back of my skull. It's black. It's red. There's emptiness and blood. I hear Lux telling me to breathe but I've suddenly forgotten how. There's a vampire behind me tapping on my shoulder. He slams his way into my body and settles in the marrow of me. I don't need to breathe, I tell Lux as she swims around my head. I don't need to do anything but go insane but as I am taking that road, I will make sure I take down this whole fucking world with me.

No, she whispers. No.

But I am not listening. My eyes are open now. I look up at Zillah and that perfect smile. I see them open their mouth. Wider. Wider until all I see are teeth waiting to devour me. I let them swallow me down. I am falling and I love it. When slumber comes, I embrace it.

When I wake I am all alone in the opium den. There's a haunting silence around me.

Kai-Ming is walking towards me. Her hair flows around her like she's submerged in Lux's aquarium.

"Would you care for anything more, mister?" She gestures to a pair of men sipping on absinthe. The liquor is bright. Green.

I shake my head and look around for my dark beloved.

"Have you seen them?" I ask with a slight panic in my tone.

Kai-Ming takes a step back and shakes her head. "I am sorry, mister, I do not know who you are talking ab –"

The person that I came here with." I stand up and begin to walk around the den. "My height. Silver hair."

She's following me and shaking her head.

"They are dressed in a long gold gown." I don't even look at her. I'm too busy marching around the place frantically. Zillah is nowhere. All I see are a handful of skinny men obviously whispering about me from behind pale hands. Well, those who are not passed out.

"As you can see, mister, no one else is here." Kai-Ming reaches for my arm. Worry furrows her brow. "Last time you came here..." Her finger are feathers. "Same thing."

I pull away. She's making me mad. "I've got to go."

Outside the snow has stopped but the chill is meaner. Wind tries to bite at my insides as I hurry home.

From behind the broken streetlight, the zombie-whore lights a cigarette. She chuckles and shakes her head before walking away into the night. 

Words: 1069