My Dark Beloved - onc 2023 Ambassadors Pick-Longlisted

.13

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow

I love you tom –

I hear laughter. Chortles come from above. The sky is mocking me as I sing – even though it's only in my head. I guess the swirls of pink and green can mind read.

"Look at him," says pink, who's fluttering around all fancy and frilly.

"Patheeeeetic," snorts green.

I'm thisclose to saying how much they reminded me of mung beans (which I hate). Sans the snarky attitude, naturally (aren't you finding them absolutely charming in a I'd-love-to-punch-you-in-the-face way?)

Pink huffs and I feel a gust of ice nip at my cheek.

"He's standing out here at this ungodly hour waiting for that ungodly creature."

I pick up a handful of snow, ball it tight, and hurl it at the sky. But all it does is fall back down. It hits me on the shoulder. Gravity is a bitch.

"Go hooooome, Eleeeeeee-ooh," green says, then I hear it sing softly, "E I E I Ooooooo."

Pink chimes in, "And on his farm he had a –"

Piece of shit! Shut up!

"Shadow."

"E I E I O."

They laugh in unison.

I kick the snow and it scatters like confused dust mines.

"Mind your own business and keep your snouts out of mine." Ah, there it is. I'm yelling at colous in the sky. In a moment, the men with the nets and white coats will be coming my way. Loontown, here I come. I'm feeling quite unsane.

I'm also angsty, worried, and kinda feel like I want to curl up and weep. I glance at my watch. I've been there an hour, one minute and nineteen seconds. No Zillah.

I was at the Dust before (where, holy hell, Jeremiah barely paid attention to his posters and asked me if I was OK about ten times.). I had three drinks at a booth where I was able to keep my distance from Jer. But as I drank and waited and tried to remember how to breathe, there was still no Zillah.

After my drinks, I hyperventilated a bit in the bathroom and when I came out, still no Zillah.

A millisecond after I waved to Jer and mouthed that I was leaving, he scampered from around the bar and ran to me to tell me it would be best if I were to hang out. He said he'd even give me a few more drinks on the house.

I thanked him yet declined. I left. I had to. I was suffocating in there so I came here.

Being without Zillah is like...

Like...

Like I can't find me. You know? You ever felt this way? OK, well I don't need to hear it because this isn't about you.

I'm sorry. I'm stressed. I...

I stomp the snow off the tops of my boots then brush it off my shoulders. It's in my hair so I bend forward and shake. I can see my knees. There's a tiny dot where Lux once dropped a Sharpie. Could never get it out no matter how many times I sent it to the dry-cleaners.

I straighten up. The sky is black. I don't know where to go so I wander to the Limelight District and the opium den where Kai-Ming greets me with a deep bow and a silver tray.

I sit upon red cushions, nestled like a little bird in his nest. When the hostess asks me if I am alright, I wave her away and eyeball the paraphernalia. I know what to do. I feel like I have done this a hundred times before even though the first time I ever tried opium was with Zillah. Maybe in a past life?

The flame dances under the spoon. The tip of the needle sucks up the liquid elegantly. In my memory, I hear Kai-Ming telling me to smoke, not inject the drug. I shrug as I slip the needle into my skin and feel a wave of momentary euphoria.

The people around me touch their pipes to their lips and exhale. "Dragons," I chuckle. "Mine is one that dives deep inside me. It's stronger. It's grander. It's king of–"

The euphoria leaves as swiftly as it came. An invisible hand slaps me and I jolt. I grab my face and terror slithers into my cells. Before me, every person has turned into a skeletal being, something akin to the hooker. Panic sets in. I kick away the cushions from under me and try to remember where the fucking exit is!

"Mister! Mister!" Kai-Ming is after me. How she can run in sandals is beyond me but she's fast. Grabbing me by the arm, she spins me around. "Come into the parlor."

Said the spider to the fly. Hell no, woman! Let me go! I'm pushing her away but she's not giving in.

"You need to sleep it off like you always do when this happens."

The hostess drags me away. I am made of feathers.

I find myself in a warmly-lit room which holds a fancy honey coloured sofa and loveseat set and a fireplace. The carpet reminds me of spice and when I step onto it I sink. "The fuck?" I'm drowning! I leap onto the loveseat and cling to the back for my dear unlife like I'm being swept away to sea.

"Please," she gestures to the sofa, "I will bring you a pillow and blanket."

"I need to go," I hiss softly as if it's a secret. "I need to find them."

Kai-Ming walks to me and touches my arm with soft fingers. "Who have you lost this time?"

What she means goes over my head. "Zillah," I respond dumbly.

"First it was Kage, then Varjo, then Skia, now Zillah." She's pulled back and is wringing her hands. Her brows furrow in an attempt to create a steeple. "Shadows, mister Starling. Nothing but shadows."

The opium roars inside me. There's a dragon inside my belly. It started as a bean then grows into the size of a tiger. Soon it will take over the world. 

"You speak nonsense, woman." I half-step, half-trip off the loveseat, grab Kai-Ming and push her against the wall. 

She gasps and puts her hands up to defend herself but in one of her fists something shines silver. "You know the rules, mister Starling. You do not touch me that way. This is a place of tranquility and respect. I have given you two chances in the past. This is your third. You are now banned. Leave and never return." 

All I hear is blah, blah, blah, no more opium. I'm on her like black on a magpie. I sink my fangs into Kai-Ming's neck and simultaneously hear her cry out and drop the blade. My hand slaps over her mouth. All she can do is scream into my palm. There is moisture and warmth. I pin her to the wall and drink like a ravenous beast. Inside my veins, I hear her own heart beat until it fades into a requiem and then it is no more.

Words: 1138 

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