My Dark Beloved - onc 2023 Ambassadors Pick-Longlisted

.12

I can't help it. The next night, as soon as twilight slips into her gown of dancing colours, I'm out the door – showered, shaved, and salivating – walking as quickly as humanly possible towards the Dust.

I'm angry. I'm excited. I'm hoping I'll find Zillah because grown-ass men do not cry. I don't know what's come over me but I need him. I miss him. I feel like a part of me is lost and I want it the fuck back.

When I push the door of the Stardust open, my heart is hammering. It's dark and quiet. When I look around I see there's no one here. No one but Jer standing in front of one of the posters with a drink in his hand.

Where is Zillah? My mind is howling.

When Jeremiah feels the chill that's followed me in, he turns. "Elio. Hello." He makes his way to the bar and grabs a tea towel before slipping behind the counter. "You're here early." He tilts his chin towards the old Molson Canadian Light clock above his head which states that I shouldn't be here for another few hours.

Oh, shut up you watery wanna-be beer. Where is Zillah? I want to scream! Inside me something does.

"I just opened five minutes ago and no one ever comes before ten."

I don't care what time people usually come. Where. The. Fuck. Is. My. Dark. Beloved?

"Can I getcha something?"

I stand there like I've been struck dumb. When he asks again, I shake my head and speak into the melody-less room. "There's still no music."

Jer shrugs. "Repairman's coming a week from Tuesday. You can't find folks who know how to fix these ol' thing nowadays."

"Shitdamnshit." I am crestfallen.

I guess he thinks it's about the dang box because he gives me a half-smile. "I know drinking is always better with tunes but I never pegged you for such a music fan. I could sing if you want music that bad."

I feel like I'm melting. I'm turning into goo. I'm going to be a puddle of nothing. "No. That's ok."

He rubs the counter with the towel and gives me a curt nod. "Ok then. Drink?"

I don't know what to do so I nod. "Yah."

"Whiskey," we say in unison.

As he's getting my order, I head to the jukebox and place my hands on it. The BROKEN sign is still there but there's now a wad of pink gum stuck on a corner.

"I could sing if you want," a voice comes from behind me.

I turn and am face to face with them.

"Zillah!" I'm giddy. I want to leap into their lap and laugh hysterically.

They look at me with a gaze I let seep into my soul and burn like acid. "Miss me any?"

I don't want to sound like a needy puppy but I'm sure I'm salivating by my master's return. "Damn straight I did. Where did you take off to last night?"

Zillah is cool as a cucumber. They give me a delicate shrug and then take my hand. "I'm here now. I've got a great night planned and it does not include this bar. I'm taking you away from this shitty place with its Ma Ingalls decor."

"I'm all yours." I'm laughing as I'm being led away,

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jeremiah holding up my order. He looks at me as if I've grown a second head.

"Elio?" the barkeeper calls me twice more but I'm not turning back. "Elio. Please. You should stay," there's concern in his voice but I pay no heed.

"Where are we going?" I ask Zillah as they hold the door open for me.