My Dark Beloved - onc 2023 Ambassadors Pick-Longlisted

.16

In the darkness, I can make out Zillah's form as they slip out of their clothes. Then I watch them slip out of their skin and their soul. 

My gaze drifts from head to chest, lower...lower...low – oh, my God.

"Look at me," Zillah demands and grabs my chin to tilt my head up. "I am more than just that."

"Fucking hell," I choke on my tongue. "You're a g –"

"I'm a guy. I'm a girl. I am everything rolled up into one but yes. I only have one thing going on down there as you can see."

I smile. I can now use another pronoun. But I won't. Why should I? Why should you know? I'm not sharing. Zillah. Is. Mine. Find. Your. Own.

"Come close." Zillah pulls me for a kiss and then pulls me out of every stitch.

We fall on the bed. We are tangled. Limbs. Sheets. Clothing. That glorious coat. I grab it and wrap us both in it. We are butterflies returning home.

"I want to fuck you into oblivion," I breathe into their ear.

I feel their nod in the marrow of me. I see the way their heart pounds. I think mine is pounding just as fast. I grab them. We become one. We are one. We always have been yet I didn't know it then.

The bed is a cage where I keep us both inside. Zillah is mine. I am theirs. The night is thunderous. Orion explodes. I taste lightning splattering in the distance. I see the sound of rain and swallow down the electricity in the air. My senses go mad. I am losing myself yet with Zillah I don't mind.

I slip in. I want to slide into their very core. I want to be no one. Nowhere. Nothing but here.

When the day breaks I find myself alone. I never heard Zillah slip away but they are gone. Clothes, shoes, coat and all. My hand flies to my throat. A string of wet, broken pearls rests there. When I rise they scatter and roll under the bed where I hear them chitter.

"Zillah?" I cry and haphazardly wrap a sheet around my waist before bursting out of my room.

I run down the stairs, nearly tripping on the long trail behind me. "Zillah! Zillah!" My tone is frantic. I rush from room to room but my dark beloved is nowhere at all.

"Oh, hell, oh damn, oh fuck me sideways." I burst into the kitchen where I begin to search in the craziest of places – the cupboards, the cabinet under the sink, the stove.

I want to pull my hair out from the roots. "Where did you go?"

Wild-eyed, I dash to Lux's room but I am greeted by a puddle of minnows that nip at my toes. "What the hell?" I kick at the tiny fish. My breath is nothing but sobs.

"Elio, Elio, it's alright." My mermaid is crawling out of her aquarium.

She doesn't bother with the kimono or a towel and I don't even have it in me right now to bother looking at the goods.

I drop to my knees and plant my head in the pool of minnows threatening to drown myself. But there is no longer a pool and there are no fish. It's just the floor of Lux's room and nothing more.

 "Where is Zillah?" every syllable cracks.

Lux is by me in a flash. She gathers me into her arms and utters gentle sounds as she strokes my hair. "There's no one here but us."

"I came with them last night. We were in my room. You never heard us."

"Elio, I heard you come home. If you had brought someone else I would have heard them, too. You came alone."

"I did not!"

"You did."

"Lies!"

"Your shadows, Elio. I –"

"Not shadows. No. No. NO! Zillah is real." I'm looking at Lux as if it's absolutely vital she understand. "We kissed. We touched. For crying out loud. I fucked them last night." My eyes dart in confusion. "There's a wet patch of sex on the bed."

But Lux simply shakes her head and fists her hand.

I narrow my gaze. The air is frantic. "I did not jerk off. I had sex with a living breathing person." 

"I'm here, Elio. I got you. Again." Lux holds me tighter. I'm not sure if I want her to or if I want to run away. "I didn't let you drown before, I won't let you drown this time. I know it's getting worse... God, I need a drink... but I'll bring you back every time."

"Bring me back where?" I want to hide in her hair.

"To your senses, my dark beloved. To reality. To here. To us."  

words: 783