If You'd Let Me

Chapter 11

The next morning I woke up to Zed playing with my hair, my head resting on his chest comfortably and our legs tangled together.

"How'd you sleep?"

I tilted my head up to look him in the eyes. I didn't answer. I couldn't get a word out of my throat.

He seemed to find an acceptable answer in my eyes, because he simply smiled. "How about some breakfast?"

I hummed in lieu of response. It wasn't a lot, but it some sort of acknowledgement.

"Alright," he detangled us and got up.

I watched him silently as he crossed the room and pulled sweatpants and a shirt on. He pulled out some sweats and a hoodie from the drawer and lead me to the kitchen, holding my hand.

I sat down on one of the kitchen chairs and watched him make breakfast. Eliza joined us not long after and greeted us both. I flashed her something that resembled a smile of sorts.

The entire morning I was barely responsive, untethered from the earth, but as time passed by Zed managed to coax more responses from me.

At first it wasn't much, just the odd look I send him, but slowly he managed to get more responses out of me. In the beginning it would just be sounds or shrugs. Then after a long time I would finally speak a few words.

He put on some background music, because he knew that helped. All to get me out of my head. I tended to get lost there a lot.

Often it wasn't very much, but every little bit counted. Zed was there to encourage me from the side lines every minute.

I had another job tonight. This time one with Carmine again. I enjoyed it when we went hunting through the night together.

After we completed our job, we both got debriefed at HQ. Not long after I made my way through the city again, jumping from rooftop to rooftop stealthily.

I paused on a rooftop, across from that one building. The one with the window on the top floor still lit. I knew he was still working. He didn't know I always passed by on my way through the city. Eliza would chew him out for his ridiculous hours if she knew. Except lately he had made more regular hours. I suspected it had mostly to do with the amount of time I spend at Eliza's and thus he spend at Eliza's.

At first it had been out of distrust and to protect his sister. But now he simply liked to pester me with his never-ending curiosity.

Tonight was not one of those days though, so here he was, still holed up in his office. Zed was what one would call a workaholic. He was very invested in his business. If it hadn't been for his new hobby — pestering me — and dropping by his sister unannounced, I would've thought all he did was work, eat, sleep, and repeat. But he was very close with Eliza and — to my dismay — loved pestering me with questions.

I went home eventually and get ready for bed. I cleaned off any traces of blood I found while showering. It had been a messy mission tonight.

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I woke up gasping for air, my shirt sticking to my skin. I shot upright in my bed panting. The vivid red colour was seared into my memory. I could still smell the blood I had painted the town with that night. I knew I couldn't possibly still smell it, but I swear I could.

It had been such a gruelling piece of art. I had painted with my own blood and made an entire town my masterpiece. I had been so angry at the time, counting the days till my revenge, my anger fuelling my will to live.

I gasped, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't escape. My past choked the breath out of me, trying to drag me under. I was lost in my memories. They wanted to drown me. They tasted of blood, salty tears, boiling anger, hatred and smelled like blood. I could barely keep my head above water.

Days blurred by. I was a mess drowning in my past. Nothing could bring me back to shore. Nothing could get through.

Then on day four — or was it five — someone called. The only reason my phone still had any battery was because it was still on the charger from days ago. Not very good for the phone, but I couldn't get myself to pull it off the charger. It was all too much.

The phone rang and rang and rang. Then it got quiet once again. The silence didn't last very long as the phone began ringing again. I let it ring and ring and ring, until the silence returned and I could drown in my memories in silence.

Then it started to ring again. I dragged my body to the phone with great effort and slid the accept button, not bothering to check for the caller ID. Not that it mattered anyways. Not a lot of people had this number.

"Zivon?" Then after it came some mumbling I couldn't understand. I nodded and the silence was there again.

"Zivon, are there?"

I nodded yet again.

"Zivon? Ziv are you there?" I recognised the voice. It was Zed. He sounded worried.

I nodded and then remembered he couldn't see me, so I croaked out a 'yes', my voice rough from days of not using it.

"Are you okay?" He must have heard how miserable I was through the phone.

"No," I whispered.

"Where are you?"

"Home," I mumbled. I was tired. So tired. My eyes blinking slowly. I wanted to sleep, but I hadn't in days. I could use a nap. Nightmares would plague my subconsciousness, but I couldn't be bothered to care right now. My eyes dropped close.

"Ziv? Ziv, are you there?"

"Hm yeah," I mumbled barely awake.

"What's your addre—" his voice faded at the end of the question. I was so sleepy.

"Ziv?"

"Hm?"

"What's your address?"

I rattled of my address sleepily.

He hung up the phone. That was fine by me. I let my eyes drop closed.

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